Battles of love... Battles for love...

Ladies and Gents, welcome again, I am Bobby, and am opening my heart. 
Let's begin by slicing my heart open, shall we...

There are battles you choose to fight. And when I say there are battles we choose to fight I want to lay emphasis of the word choose. 
The battles I am talking about here are duels, if you may... Let me explain. Unless you are an alien, and I hope aliens are not reading this. Wait... I hope they are, more readers equals more viewers, right? So, welcome to earth aliens and welcome to astoldbybobby, I hope you comment more here, this humans just read and go you know.
Aliens am assuming you have once had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend right? Yes. Okay. Moving on. Have you ever been sliced? Sliced is a polite way of saying that 'some guy stole your girlfriend. And saying some guy stole your girlfriend is a polite way of saying, she stopped opening her legs for you now she opens them for another guy better than you. 

Let's assume you have, its okay, even for us humans it okay not to admit we have been dumped openly, its horrific. So, what do you do when that happens? Leave it alone or fight for her? Fight with her? See the kind of fights am talking about? Battles of love, battles for love... 

So as I said there are battles you choose to fight, and there are others you choose not to. Battles of love... Battles for love...

Why do you choose not to fight some? Simple, common sense... But since common sense is not common... There are battles you choose to take up and some you choose not to, if you go against your better judgment and choose to fight a battle you cant win, you will be scared for life. Your ego will not be as inflated as chewing gum blown into a balloon by an obnoxious arrogant girl. Rather it will be tiny like gum on the street stepped on by everyone with their dirty feet. So it's your choice, would you want your ego on the dirty street like dirt being stept on unnoticed, or you would rather your ego be in a hot arrogant hot girls mouth being blown? 
(yeah, I also think that line was genius, ego blown, gum... Am also shocked at how i came up with that, no? Yes? Thanks? Thanks)

So, now that we have established where we want our egos. Ladies and gentlemen. Let me talk about the man that left my ego on the street, stepped on by dirty shoe soles like it didn't matter shit. Let me talk about the guy that my girlfriend dumped me for.

This guy walked in holding my girl in his arms. Did I give a Fxxx, oh yeah I did! You would too. Unless you are an alien, how does it work with you aliens reading this by the way? Would you care if you watched the girl of your dreams walk into a klub holding hands with some dude?

I wasn't there to get laid, but I wouldn't mind if anyone offered. Especially when I saw them. I was ready to be taken home by anyone in a skirt, even you aliens, if you were in a skirt, you could take me home.

I was there to drink so as to play titanic, drown my sorrows and attempt to have a good time. I was running away from the reality that I had lost my girl to a guy that was better than me. It hurts me to admit it. So here I am trying to get my girl and his new dude off my mind and what do they do, they come to the bar I am drinking at... Dammit!

"Bartender fix me something strong" 

I downed it in seconds.

"Bartender, fix me three other stronger ones."

Somehow I thought the more I drank the more invisible they would become or I would become. I guess that wasn't enough vodka to drown my sorrows. 

"Bartender fix me something strong" 
 
Dudes, damsels and aliens. As I said, there are fights we pick the ones we can win, but there are also battles we don't pick, the ones we cant win. Battles for love... Battles of love... 

Even that drank I knew it in my balls, I knew I didn't have the balls to handle this new guy with (my) girl. He was too good, he seemed smarter, he looked kinder, braver, more a gentleman, i trusted (my) girl's taste, even at that time she was with him. If she left me she would leave me for better.
 I didn't have the balls to fight with her, I didn't have the balls to fight with him, I didn't have the balls to fight for her. You required three balls to fight three of those battles, with her, for her, and with him. I only had the balls to fight two battles, to fight with her and for her. 

Why didn't I fight with him? Firstly, cause am not an alien and I don't have three balls, secondly cause the new guy she was with was a total rock star. I had nothing on him. He wore a pair of dark jeans better than mine, that looked more closer to khaki than mine did, heck he even wore a finer shirt than I wore. His hair was longer and curlier than mine... But mostly when I saw (my)girl trying to rub her ass on his balls as they walked, i knew he was a total rockstar cause (my) girl is different. She doesnt just do that anyhowly. What did I do? Rush there and smack him in the face. Go pull my girl away and tell her I loved her? What did I do?

"Bartender, what is wrong with you? I told you I want a stronger drink man. I need a stronger drink man, keep them coming... Keep them coming."

They look like real stars together, drank guy, can't carry himself well, but in his drunk stupor is still able to lead (my) girl. 
Was he exaggerating his drankness to look cooler, it was working, dammit. Even I knew it was. He even exaggerated helping (my) girl up the steps. NkT. He held her inappropriately as he showed how better a gentleman he was drank than i could be even sober. 
And she (my) girl was holding him like he had known him all her life. The same way she used to hold me. Touching his chest, without a care in the world. What a party, dammit, what a bloody party, and they were doing all this before they sat down. In front of me? Don't tell me they hadn't seen me. What would they do when the sat down? Exchange rings? Get married. Have public sex?  NkT.
There they were having the time of their life. There i was, having the time of my life, where? You ask, I was having the time of my life in fresh hell. Hell had been delivered to me fresh and hot like a pizza. And as I ate up hell, I watered it down with the jealousy of watching (my) girl make out with that guy, and I tasted like depression. Not anger, with anger you fight battles for...you can win. But depression comes when you are angry but then you can not do jack about it. Yes, I was depressed.

Where are bouncers when you need them? Couldn't they see the way he was touching her? Couldn't they see the way she was touching him? There was no way she had gone under the table to pick the phone she dropped that long. Why was he showing her he was licking his fingers after he had made her eyes roll like that? Where are bouncers when you need them? Incompetent good for nothing bastards. Don't pretend you didn't see what was going on. (aliens please capture those bastards and take them to your prisons)

"Bartender, come on,  get me something stronger, what is wrong with you, don't you listen! I want to get fxxxed up, okay? Now pour me something serious, and not this crap you pouring me."

Do you think they saw me when they walked in? Do you think they did? Did they do all that looking at me? Could she have seen me and went on to give this new guy everything she had given me, at places where she had refused to give me? 

I decided to believe they hadn't seen me, I chose to believe she hadn't seen me.
Cause lets face it, it made me feel better. I needed to feel better. Don't you think I needed to feel better? Yes. Everyone thinks so, no? Yes!

Every time i stood to dance, women gave me a funny look? Was it the shirt I was wearing? But then this other guy, the guy with (my) girl, walked in like he was the star, I can almost swear dj played a tract to match with the grand entrance they put all eyes were them, all the girls accidentally bumped on him, by mistake no? I dint think so too. And the girls, dudes stared at her, wanting her, I wanted her. I couldnt believe he was having her.

They said hi to everyone, people came and said hi to them, took care of them they ignored people. The party rocked, but can you imagine, they took a beer or two, a table was laid out for them and in a few they left. I had to scout for a table when i came, for long and chairs and I was buying lots of drinks, but no, they get special treatment and I didn't. It really got to me.

I wished someone could come say hi to me, just one person, maybe she would notice me, I wanted to make her jealous. I was so pathetic I thought I had a shot.

They walked out, after a little while, after taking over the dance floor, throwing thunder, making indecent scenes as the loud music covered them. And now they were walking out, an hour after. No wonder she left me for him. This guy was super cool. She let him touch her however he wanted, even in public. What have they been doing in private then?

Oh please, oh please, oh please not that car. They got in it. He opened the door for her, he was a perfect gentleman. The back seat. No way? A driver, yes way. he opened the door for her, and the driver opened the door for him on the other side of the back seat. A gentleman even with a driver opens the door for his lady, let the driver open the door for him, but for the lady, no. Gentlemen. The driver got in, then he got out and stood out of the car.

Everyone could see the car, but no one saw it like I saw it. None felt it like I felt it, it shook, I could swear there were light screams, but the music was loud. They were doing it, she must be blowing him right there, and the driver just stood there to make sure they had their privacy. What the hell? See, fights I can't pick. Battles of...

The bouncers wanted to stop them, they came close to the car. But the driver stopped them. "Let the cat have in peace." There she was, taking off in an orgasm like a plane on a run way, one, two, three, orgasm, orgasm, orgasm.

She emerged from the sun roof a while later, so they were having looking at the moon while at it. Her hair was unkempt and so was her dress. She came out from the top of the car, then the guy followed. He had a bottle of wine. They shared the bottle.


In the midst of their laughter, they shouted at the driver. "let's go..." 

I drank some more. No, I drank a lot more.


"Bobby, you know that guy writes like you do, he is a lawyer too"
She always had a thing for writers, (my) girlfriend. And his blog was on a webpage, not a blog. He had his own webpage. Dammit."

My friend told me.

I drank more.

Right there, at that moment, I was ready to go home with anyone, anyone in a skirt. I was really ready, I had been humiliated to my last. I wanted to die.

I looked so pathetic, I wasn't in my element, and women notice that. I had no chance. Besides... I loved the girl. And I didn't want anyone else.

He might have a driver? He might drive a car with a bloody sunroof, that allows you to see stars as you see stars at the back seat, he might be a better writer than I was, but I wasn't going to sit there and watch her leave with another man.

When I lost her to this guy, I had lost everything. She was my everything. Battles for love... Battles of love... Let whatever happen happens.

I started to run towards the car. Before anyone could catch my drank self I was on the car bonnet.

Trying to balance on it and get to the roof.

I got to the sun roof.

And I kissed my girl.

And she kissed me back.

I tried to punch the guy next to me. The guy who she had left me for. But I was punching the air. 

She held my face. She planted a kiss on me.

"Bobby, are you really that high? Stop throwing blows in the air."

Baby, I will always change, cause I always want better for myself. I hope even as I change you will stick with me, leave the old me for the new me I become with the dawn of every new day.

So ladies and gentlemen, it was me that walked into that club with that girl, it was me ten years in the future... It was me with a driver... And still touching my babe inappropriately at a club... I was punching in the air... 

Because even with the time machines of the future you can't be in two time zones at once. Scientists will be working on trying to have people exist in two time zones, as an additional application for the time machines they will have already created. 
Wassup aliens? Only you understand how it feels to see yourself in the future.  
(see why it was a good thing I invited aliens at the begining of this post, no? Yes!)

Dudes, damsels, and aliens let's change and explore ourself for the best version of ourselves. And let's hope that as we do that, our girlfriends will stick around to watch us grow.
 
Battles for love... Battles of love... Battles for change... Battles of change... Battles for better... Battles of better... All battles to be won... All battles... my friends.











 

Three Judges and One Glass of Milk

Hi dudes and damsels,
It's at night. As usual I am alone, and I have a nightmare. Full stop. Next paragraph.

We talk right, you come here, hear what I have to say, I offer you my coffee. It's up there on my screen. Can you imagine no one ever takes it? The cup is always full. Talk about you guys being non appreciative. You are total snobs. No, you aren't? Really? Why is the coffee cup still there and full? Full stop. Next paragraph.

It's at night, I have been having nightmares, so it's kind of like am on my periods. Am bitchy, you know why, everyone is peacefully asleep. And I am awake, and when I sleep, I wake up with cold sweats. Terror. Nightmares. Like a horror movie. Only that I don't like horror movies! Full stop...sorry meant exclamation mark. Next paragraph.

So guys, dudes, and damsels, I decided I should talk to you, mostly to kill time, avoiding to fall asleep (back to horror movies I don't like) and hoping some of you will try to be funny. How? You ask? I bet you someone might just tag me to a photo of a glass of milk or water on my fan page, then ask me why am not taking the milk. Mugo, have it, you always complaining about no one having you coffee. Here is our milk, here is some milk for you nightmare. Have it. And everyone will think it's funny. Yes?

Am afraid of sleeping, I can't believe am saying that, but am afraid of sleeping cause it means going back to the same nightmare I had... 

So Let me tell you about it ladies and gents. 

I was seated before three people. Think vetting, think judges. 

It was as scary as hell. They had cameras all over, and people were rooting for me, backing me up. 

It was a couple of years into the future, and you know what, I still blogged. Oh yes I did. And in the future you guys commented. Oh yes you did, you questioned shitty ideas I put up on my post. Sometimes I put up some really dumb lines here and there to see whether you are brave, believe in democracy. You have a voice, but guess what, you guys just chill out. And now and then give me a tap on my shoulder. But you guys, oh you guys in the future commented. Crazy. I tell you. Crazy.
By the way, you wouldn't believe how friendly chics have become... It feels really good being a writer.

Back to my nightmare, "wear a red tie, were a black suit, with strips. It must have strips, you know lawyers. Stripped suits."

Everyone was pushing me, I had to be a judge. And when I sat there, in front of the country, live cameras, three judges about to question my confidence out, interview me, I sweated. And what did I do?

I shamelessly took out my blackberry, yes, I still used blackberries in the future. But in the future they are cooler. You definitely buy a bb in the future. Cool stuff. You can easily blog with them. 
I took it out, and start talking to you guys. I started writing. Right there before the judges and the camera. And am sweating. I can't stop.

See you don't choose your dreams, or rather nightmare, do you? No really do you?  If we did, I would have just dreamed myself in a Jaguar XJ, and with a hot pair of sunglasses, i really should get a pair, definitely not writing this.

"We are ready to start." 

I had to put my phone back to my pocket, stop using it under the desk. The camera went on.

"one, two three action..."

Shoot, shoot! I felt like a dear in lights.

"So, Mr. Mugo. Why do you think you will make a good judge?"

I had reasons, I knew them by heart, words like good jurisprudence, justice equality, fighting crime were in my head, heart, mind and part of my blood. But in my nightmare, I couldn't speak. I was a dear in lights. Spot lights. Stranded.

And if that wasn't enough, I started to sweat. How I wished those guys hadnt colored me with make up. Now, I was sweating, and the sweat dripping out of my face with make up. It was like... It was like... Like bad plastic surgery. Like my face was falling.

"Mr. Mugo... Why do you think you will make a good judge?"

There were lots of people in the room. Judges, camera men, guys who had supported me up to where I was, my friends, my enemies, my mentors, my old boss, yeah I have an old boss in the future, she is hot, but I quit working for her, then banged her. I bet I did it well cause she was there and everyone else. Yes. The whole bloody country was watching me screw up my career, and my make up. Even my kids. Mugo-lets.

"Madaam and Sirs, my lords... I want to... I want to..."
And I felt like high school all over again, remember that math lesson. Yeah, the one I was writing poetry to this girl and that shameless math teacher caught me, told me to go in front of the class, and solve that math problem I knew nothing about. Sitting on my desk making me the teacher.

He thought it was funny, it was funny. It was high school, you had to walk to the board with chalk, when you were asked to, at least write something, even if it was shit. But definitely not 'shit', you know what I mean. If you wrote 'sh**' they would definitely stick a suspension letter up your ass. Then send you home.
Guess what? I couldn't write a thing, I was too nervous (stage fright), but that wasn't the only reason I couldn't write, I also couldn't write cause I didn't know jerk. I was doing my own things as he taught. What did he expect?

I scribbled senseless numbers on the board. It was math anyways. Right?

"Mugo... Why have you put a 2 there?"

I turned and stared at the class. Oh and did I fear being in front of a crowd. My hands started shaking, and my knees and it was visible. But what was really pathetic was that he let me seat down. Everyone was laughing like it was a joke. Then suddenly, I was so damn pathetic guys, they felt sorry for me, petied me. They stopped laughing, even asked me to sit down. And you know what, that math teacher didn't let anyone who went to the board sit down, but he did me. I couldn't even hold the chalk. 

I was sweating. I was pathetic. 

I wasn't holding chalk, I was holding my blackberry under the table this time. I felt it vibrate. Those must Be notifications, from my blog. From my Facebook fan page. Did I tell you you guys commented a lot in the future? You better believe me, cause in my 'dreams' you did.

I looked at the camera, wondered whether anyone saw the make up falling off  my face, dripping with sweat like a girl crying with mascara on. I was wearing a white shirt. They didn't let me wear a blue one. Everyone rooting for me. As much as they rooted for me cause they know I would jail thugs and what not... I wouldnt be corrupt, I had character and what not. They told me, I must wear white. So that the judges think am serious.

I wished I had won, blue. Cause now the make up on my neck was soiling my shirt collar. I could feel it like you would feel a layer of mud on your face. Now the whole country must be talking about how I dint shower. And guys must be tagging me with photos of towels and soaps. And then I wished they didn't comment.

My lass, my damsel, my baby was in the background. She was throwing her hands ridiculously up trying to cheer me on. And my friends to. Some were staring at me with disappointment written all over there face. Some had a smile. Happy I was failing. But my babe looked ridiculous... She didn't care how she looked supporting me, my friends didn't too, and I knew some of you guys were tagging me to photos of trophies. Think congratulations before the interview was even over. Photos of champagne. 

That though is what kept me going. I started to dish out answers. My thoughts, my mind. Filling my sentences with words like justice, good jurisprudence, making the country safer. All robbery with violence sentenced, all car jackers, kidnappers sentenced. Justice, uncorrupt decisions. Integrity etc

And I was fired up. My mind was...

I could read the judges, the decisions to whether I will make a judge or not rested on them, my fate was in their words, they could either break me or make me, I studied them.

The lady judge was in the middle, the fat guy judge on the right, and the one on the left was slimmer. 

The fat cat looked a little spoilt, no, he was spoilt. He must have been the kind that never worked for anything in his life, so he didn't give a rats ass about laws that made it conducive for young ambitious men to succeed. Not that he was a bad guy, he seemed to be the kind to mainly protect wealth. Rule ruthlessly against trespassers and thieves etc. 
Typical body language, his head was raised, as if looking at the sky, he sat in a manner that occupied space completely, like a king, it must have come from his belief that he ruled the world. Or rather his friends did if he didn't. He didn't care to suck up, he shamelessly talked fidgeting with his pen, he yawned. I knew how to deal with him once he asked me a question.

The slim guy, he was neat, his tie was a little very fancy, a bit flashy even. He wasn't dressed as conservative as the first. He was the kind to drive a Hammer with shiny rims, he deserved it anyways. He must have build himself from scratch, no connections, no networks and what not. He struggled, he beat the odds. And now he was a judge, powerful. He was a knight, worked within the suppressive laws and won. He caught attention everywhere he went, telling thrilling tales of how he won against all odds. He was the kind to suck up a little, he used his charm to win. So he gave the camera attention, he didn't play with his pen or phone talking. I knew how to answer his question. I knew what to emphasize.

Then the lady, oh she was beautiful. The lady judge was seated between the two guy judges. She was in a black robe, she was beautiful regardless that she was a mother. I knew she had kids, I had researched about her before I was there. She was excessively respected, she didn't condone people talking her down, or disrespecting her. She sent people to cells, the ones whose phones rang loud in her court. She had this powerful presence, she looked like the boss. She could easily get pissed off and ask the camera men to walk out with their shenanigans. They felt intimidated by her, it showed. She must have been thoroughly ambitious and determined. She must be the kind that appeared on women magazines often, telling women all over, you should look at the sky. It is the limit. The limitless sky is the limit. And when she was asked to give an example. She pointed her self, and women were inspired.

"My learned lords, I feel am fit to be a judge because I am thorough, and I will apply the law to rid society or murders, car jackers, thieves..." I said this particularly looking at the fat judge, with my head high. Talk about being condescending, talk about building rapport.

"My lords, I am throughly determined to apply the law, and good jurisprudence in ensuring that I am fair, and for gender equality in applying the law, with regards to mothers, wives, daughters, children in matters to do with inheritance..."
I said particularly looking at the lady judge, right in the eye. But I never took my eyes above her face, she liked power, so I subdued, I looked at her eyes, then down, eyes then down. She felt respected.

"My lords, I am here hoping you give me a chance, to become a judge cause I am hungry, I thirst to apply law in fairness, ensuring that justice is done, For the good of society, for development of the society, for development of individuals..."
I looked at the slim guy, right in the eyes. As I said this.

I had handled it well, everyone was smiling. 

Dudes and damsels, ladies and gents, after it was over, and the cameras went off. Everyone looked relieved. My baby came and hugged me crying, it's okay, it's okay. 

I wondered why?

"It's not a big deal... It's not a big deal..."

I thought I had nailed it. Why were they all in such a sympathetic mood. Even the part where they asked me about my blog... I thought I answered well.

Apparently I did not. And not only had I screwed up my chance of being a judge, all the connections, all the networking, all the hard work, all the favors I had called, family had called, wasted.

I had screwed up my reputation as a lawyer, attorney or whatever you want to call it.
Dammit.

And I woke up, with cold sweats.  

Its a wrap. 

The End.

Now, guys,  let me try to go back to sleep. I hope no more nightmares.