Hi dudes and damsels,
It's at night. As usual I am alone, and I have a nightmare. Full stop. Next paragraph.
We talk right, you come here, hear what I have to say, I offer you my coffee. It's up there on my screen. Can you imagine no one ever takes it? The cup is always full. Talk about you guys being non appreciative. You are total snobs. No, you aren't? Really? Why is the coffee cup still there and full? Full stop. Next paragraph.
It's at night, I have been having nightmares, so it's kind of like am on my periods. Am bitchy, you know why, everyone is peacefully asleep. And I am awake, and when I sleep, I wake up with cold sweats. Terror. Nightmares. Like a horror movie. Only that I don't like horror movies! Full stop...sorry meant exclamation mark. Next paragraph.
So guys, dudes, and damsels, I decided I should talk to you, mostly to kill time, avoiding to fall asleep (back to horror movies I don't like) and hoping some of you will try to be funny. How? You ask? I bet you someone might just tag me to a photo of a glass of milk or water on my fan page, then ask me why am not taking the milk. Mugo, have it, you always complaining about no one having you coffee. Here is our milk, here is some milk for you nightmare. Have it. And everyone will think it's funny. Yes?
Am afraid of sleeping, I can't believe am saying that, but am afraid of sleeping cause it means going back to the same nightmare I had...
So Let me tell you about it ladies and gents.
I was seated before three people. Think vetting, think judges.
It was as scary as hell. They had cameras all over, and people were rooting for me, backing me up.
It was a couple of years into the future, and you know what, I still blogged. Oh yes I did. And in the future you guys commented. Oh yes you did, you questioned shitty ideas I put up on my post. Sometimes I put up some really dumb lines here and there to see whether you are brave, believe in democracy. You have a voice, but guess what, you guys just chill out. And now and then give me a tap on my shoulder. But you guys, oh you guys in the future commented. Crazy. I tell you. Crazy.
By the way, you wouldn't believe how friendly chics have become... It feels really good being a writer.
Back to my nightmare, "wear a red tie, were a black suit, with strips. It must have strips, you know lawyers. Stripped suits."
Everyone was pushing me, I had to be a judge. And when I sat there, in front of the country, live cameras, three judges about to question my confidence out, interview me, I sweated. And what did I do?
I shamelessly took out my blackberry, yes, I still used blackberries in the future. But in the future they are cooler. You definitely buy a bb in the future. Cool stuff. You can easily blog with them.
I took it out, and start talking to you guys. I started writing. Right there before the judges and the camera. And am sweating. I can't stop.
See you don't choose your dreams, or rather nightmare, do you? No really do you? If we did, I would have just dreamed myself in a Jaguar XJ, and with a hot pair of sunglasses, i really should get a pair, definitely not writing this.
"We are ready to start."
I had to put my phone back to my pocket, stop using it under the desk. The camera went on.
"one, two three action..."
Shoot, shoot! I felt like a dear in lights.
"So, Mr. Mugo. Why do you think you will make a good judge?"
I had reasons, I knew them by heart, words like good jurisprudence, justice equality, fighting crime were in my head, heart, mind and part of my blood. But in my nightmare, I couldn't speak. I was a dear in lights. Spot lights. Stranded.
And if that wasn't enough, I started to sweat. How I wished those guys hadnt colored me with make up. Now, I was sweating, and the sweat dripping out of my face with make up. It was like... It was like... Like bad plastic surgery. Like my face was falling.
"Mr. Mugo... Why do you think you will make a good judge?"
There were lots of people in the room. Judges, camera men, guys who had supported me up to where I was, my friends, my enemies, my mentors, my old boss, yeah I have an old boss in the future, she is hot, but I quit working for her, then banged her. I bet I did it well cause she was there and everyone else. Yes. The whole bloody country was watching me screw up my career, and my make up. Even my kids. Mugo-lets.
"Madaam and Sirs, my lords... I want to... I want to..."
And I felt like high school all over again, remember that math lesson. Yeah, the one I was writing poetry to this girl and that shameless math teacher caught me, told me to go in front of the class, and solve that math problem I knew nothing about. Sitting on my desk making me the teacher.
He thought it was funny, it was funny. It was high school, you had to walk to the board with chalk, when you were asked to, at least write something, even if it was shit. But definitely not 'shit', you know what I mean. If you wrote 'sh**' they would definitely stick a suspension letter up your ass. Then send you home.
Guess what? I couldn't write a thing, I was too nervous (stage fright), but that wasn't the only reason I couldn't write, I also couldn't write cause I didn't know jerk. I was doing my own things as he taught. What did he expect?
I scribbled senseless numbers on the board. It was math anyways. Right?
"Mugo... Why have you put a 2 there?"
I turned and stared at the class. Oh and did I fear being in front of a crowd. My hands started shaking, and my knees and it was visible. But what was really pathetic was that he let me seat down. Everyone was laughing like it was a joke. Then suddenly, I was so damn pathetic guys, they felt sorry for me, petied me. They stopped laughing, even asked me to sit down. And you know what, that math teacher didn't let anyone who went to the board sit down, but he did me. I couldn't even hold the chalk.
I was sweating. I was pathetic.
I wasn't holding chalk, I was holding my blackberry under the table this time. I felt it vibrate. Those must Be notifications, from my blog. From my Facebook fan page. Did I tell you you guys commented a lot in the future? You better believe me, cause in my 'dreams' you did.
I looked at the camera, wondered whether anyone saw the make up falling off my face, dripping with sweat like a girl crying with mascara on. I was wearing a white shirt. They didn't let me wear a blue one. Everyone rooting for me. As much as they rooted for me cause they know I would jail thugs and what not... I wouldnt be corrupt, I had character and what not. They told me, I must wear white. So that the judges think am serious.
I wished I had won, blue. Cause now the make up on my neck was soiling my shirt collar. I could feel it like you would feel a layer of mud on your face. Now the whole country must be talking about how I dint shower. And guys must be tagging me with photos of towels and soaps. And then I wished they didn't comment.
My lass, my damsel, my baby was in the background. She was throwing her hands ridiculously up trying to cheer me on. And my friends to. Some were staring at me with disappointment written all over there face. Some had a smile. Happy I was failing. But my babe looked ridiculous... She didn't care how she looked supporting me, my friends didn't too, and I knew some of you guys were tagging me to photos of trophies. Think congratulations before the interview was even over. Photos of champagne.
That though is what kept me going. I started to dish out answers. My thoughts, my mind. Filling my sentences with words like justice, good jurisprudence, making the country safer. All robbery with violence sentenced, all car jackers, kidnappers sentenced. Justice, uncorrupt decisions. Integrity etc
And I was fired up. My mind was...
I could read the judges, the decisions to whether I will make a judge or not rested on them, my fate was in their words, they could either break me or make me, I studied them.
The lady judge was in the middle, the fat guy judge on the right, and the one on the left was slimmer.
The fat cat looked a little spoilt, no, he was spoilt. He must have been the kind that never worked for anything in his life, so he didn't give a rats ass about laws that made it conducive for young ambitious men to succeed. Not that he was a bad guy, he seemed to be the kind to mainly protect wealth. Rule ruthlessly against trespassers and thieves etc.
Typical body language, his head was raised, as if looking at the sky, he sat in a manner that occupied space completely, like a king, it must have come from his belief that he ruled the world. Or rather his friends did if he didn't. He didn't care to suck up, he shamelessly talked fidgeting with his pen, he yawned. I knew how to deal with him once he asked me a question.
The slim guy, he was neat, his tie was a little very fancy, a bit flashy even. He wasn't dressed as conservative as the first. He was the kind to drive a Hammer with shiny rims, he deserved it anyways. He must have build himself from scratch, no connections, no networks and what not. He struggled, he beat the odds. And now he was a judge, powerful. He was a knight, worked within the suppressive laws and won. He caught attention everywhere he went, telling thrilling tales of how he won against all odds. He was the kind to suck up a little, he used his charm to win. So he gave the camera attention, he didn't play with his pen or phone talking. I knew how to answer his question. I knew what to emphasize.
Then the lady, oh she was beautiful. The lady judge was seated between the two guy judges. She was in a black robe, she was beautiful regardless that she was a mother. I knew she had kids, I had researched about her before I was there. She was excessively respected, she didn't condone people talking her down, or disrespecting her. She sent people to cells, the ones whose phones rang loud in her court. She had this powerful presence, she looked like the boss. She could easily get pissed off and ask the camera men to walk out with their shenanigans. They felt intimidated by her, it showed. She must have been thoroughly ambitious and determined. She must be the kind that appeared on women magazines often, telling women all over, you should look at the sky. It is the limit. The limitless sky is the limit. And when she was asked to give an example. She pointed her self, and women were inspired.
"My learned lords, I feel am fit to be a judge because I am thorough, and I will apply the law to rid society or murders, car jackers, thieves..." I said this particularly looking at the fat judge, with my head high. Talk about being condescending, talk about building rapport.
"My lords, I am throughly determined to apply the law, and good jurisprudence in ensuring that I am fair, and for gender equality in applying the law, with regards to mothers, wives, daughters, children in matters to do with inheritance..."
I said particularly looking at the lady judge, right in the eye. But I never took my eyes above her face, she liked power, so I subdued, I looked at her eyes, then down, eyes then down. She felt respected.
"My lords, I am here hoping you give me a chance, to become a judge cause I am hungry, I thirst to apply law in fairness, ensuring that justice is done, For the good of society, for development of the society, for development of individuals..."
I looked at the slim guy, right in the eyes. As I said this.
I had handled it well, everyone was smiling.
Dudes and damsels, ladies and gents, after it was over, and the cameras went off. Everyone looked relieved. My baby came and hugged me crying, it's okay, it's okay.
I wondered why?
"It's not a big deal... It's not a big deal..."
I thought I had nailed it. Why were they all in such a sympathetic mood. Even the part where they asked me about my blog... I thought I answered well.
Apparently I did not. And not only had I screwed up my chance of being a judge, all the connections, all the networking, all the hard work, all the favors I had called, family had called, wasted.
I had screwed up my reputation as a lawyer, attorney or whatever you want to call it.
Dammit.
And I woke up, with cold sweats.
Its a wrap.
The End.
Now, guys, let me try to go back to sleep. I hope no more nightmares.
