Tuesday 30 August 2011

No One To Trust



It is like a bad disease,
It's like I love that tragedy,
Not just any tragedy,
That particular one,
It's like I wait for it,
Like you wait for an important phone call,
Or like you wait for results,
I waited for it,
And the moment it came,
I took it,
"I told you so"
I said to myself,
And it's like I felt some form of pain,
That was almost joyous,
It's like I crave to destroy,
I just waited for her,
To make one wrong move,
And when she did I hurt,
Then I feel like I want her to apologize,
For the filthy things she did,
I feel like I want her to hurt,
But not really cause I like her,
I feel like I want her to regret,
For doing what she did,
I guess that's where the real wound is,
I have never felt good enough,
For myself,
And she has gotten that monster out of me,
Probably it's how overwhelming that emotion is,
I hate my heart sometimes,
But I wonder,
Is it it that is the way it is,
Or is it the worlds and my experiences,
That has beat it until it is the shape it is,
Instead of a shape of a heart,
It's the shape of a kidney,
And like a kidney,
It always seems to anticipate the bad,
The bitterness of feeling back-stubbed,
The anger of being left out,
The sorrow of having to live with such memories,
I feel greatly wounded,
Like a beast has been let out of me,
To eat me up with pain,
And the worst part of it is that I almost enjoy the pain.
It feels like home,
But maybe that is too cruel to say,
Perhaps I am being too hard and cruel on myself,
Maybe the pain the world has given me,
Was too intense it left a permanent mark,
So that if my heart had a door,
It's door lable would read,
'Pains Head Office'
In red like blood and danger,
With a little calligraphy,
Like a bad joke,
But it doesn't feel good this pain,
It is intense I may enjoy it,
But it numbs me,
It numbs my sleep,
It numbs my sense of touch,
My sense of smell,
Its like I am in a trance,
I can't notice the things around me,
I see them but I cant see them,
My thoughts are jumbled up,
I feel speech less,
I don't even know how to cry,
Why would you let me have this pain?
It makes everything we had feel foolish,
I feel I am opened up to much,
And a little pathetic,
That's why I will stop to write,
Before I mess us completely,
More than you have messed me,
If I open up more,
You might not like what you see inside,
I am a horrible ugly creature inside,
Beaten up by life,
But outside I have been handed everything I want,
So now I close my heart,
Cause the monster that was out feels like it's headed back in me,
At least it will not eat me up again,
I feel at peace a bit,
Imagine feeling at peace with a monster in you?
And that feels nicer than letting it eat me from outside,
I really don't want anyone to see my inside,
It's going to spoil the outside I live to the world to see,
I can't loose that too,
But don't open me up,
You will not like what you see,
You have cared for me,
But now you have joined the list,
Of everyone who has disfigured my inside,
You are part of the list,
But don't worry,
I am too stupid,
My love is to blind,
But mostly stupid,
Because it can see,
But it ignores,
And now I feel a punch inside,
As the reality of things hit me,
You are not so different after all,
I am not so different after all,
We are a lost cause,
Us and this idea love,
Who will mold my heart back,
Who will I trust to mold my heart back,
When all the ones I let,
Make it even more shapeless?

Sunday 28 August 2011

Fear



Am here,
and a tear just dropped out of my face,
I am very undeserving,
I have done very filthy things,
But I need you,
I am nit trying to bargain,
Ask you to do this and I will do this,
I probably will not change,
But I will pray you change me,
And will not give up on hoping that happens,
But right now I need you,
You say you grant grace to the undeserving,
I am undeserving,
But I am hoping you will calm this worrying heart of mine,
I fear so greatly,
Something I can't even speak about,
I lie on this bed,
And when I tried to pray,
A tear just feel,
Lucky I know you see my heart,
And you saw that tear fall of,
You so it's contents,
The fear that shows with walls,
That fear that comes to life on the stairs,
The fear that keeps me up a night suddenly,
The fear that makes me want to fight a battle not mine,
Fight this battle for me God,
Fight it for me cause their isn't much I can do,
Turn the tables around,
You can control everything,
I spoke with my tear,
Cause I couldn't speak the words,
I don't have the courage enough to,
But I understand you are God,
And just by your name God,
You can do as you please,
I don't want a rude shock,
Please.
Take the fear away,
Or keep it for long,
For very long,
I tremble as I say this,
Dodging the exact words all the time,
But I will do all I can,
Please grant me grace.
I need it yesterday,
My tear is how I have spoken,
Just that I have left to flow,
Out of my left eye,
I need not tell you more,
You understand,
I might be the filth of this earth,
I am humbled by your holiness,
Please by your grace,
Save us all,
Those who see it,
And those who do not,
But I will be kind,
And I will not rush to blame,
I will rush to build,
And offer thanks,
My tear has spoken for me.
You are God,
 Amen!

Wednesday 24 August 2011

Just A Two Day Week (nothing abnormal lol)




Cring cring cring,
Brrr brrr brrr,
Her photo flashed on my screen,
I like this girl thoroughly,
You would like her completely too,
But you have no chance with her,
Cause looking up into the skies,
I see my future,
You only see her naked in your bed,
You do not see,
ten years and over from now,
That's partly why you have no chance with her,
You only see her naked,
And I am slapping you for that now! Slap! Now!
And there she is standing on the side of the road,
With her bags with labels showing NBO,
Ten years from now or more,
With her ring on her finger,
Cring cring cring,
Brrr brrrr brrr,
Her photo flashes on my screen,
She is beautiful,
But I throw it on the floor,
Instead of picking it,
Yes I am not crazy,
My bed side floor is perfectly carpeted,
If a pin fell done there,
The one used in notice boards,
It would sink so deep you will never get pricked,
Stepping on it,
So I am sure my phone enjoys a safe landing.
You have seven days in a week,
I have two,
Mine is either a Monday,
Or a Friday,
Whether I wake up on a Wednesday,
Thursday,
 Saturday or Sunday,
Only a Monday or a Friday,
And that is why you can't survive being around me,
On a Monday I wake up hopeless,
Why are you bothering yourself at all?
It's a flooded market out their,
You will never get anywhere,
You are on the wrong path,
Those are the questions that wake my Monday,
On Monday I wake up depressed,
Do not touch those car keys,
What are you driving to?
Have you looked at your transcript?
You are a sorry excuse for a student,
On Monday I stare looking at my iPad,
Reaching the first line a million times,
I can't come up with words,
It's like my thoughts are frozen in my head,
On Monday's I never stare at the mirror,
If I finally make it out of bed,
I wear whatever I catch first,
Why should I bother,
A fake excuse for a person,
And when my mum asks me when I will graduate from strathmore,
I remember the retakes and the re-sits sitting their,
What the hell was I doing there?
I am such a useless person,
I am even wasting the little oxygen left on this earth.

then on a Friday,
Brrr brrr brrr brrr,
Cring cring cring,
I cuddle with my pillow before I pick up,
It's my way of hugging her before I wake up,
"morning princess"
"morning dear"
And there is laughter,
My ribs can crack even before starting the day,
Have you ever smiled so much on the phone you felt tired smiling,
Those are the most beautiful phone calls,
And I remind her about the parcel I sent her,
With the velvet boots I hope will surprise her,
I didn't send them via mololine shuttle,
I sent them via G4S,
Right where her school is,
You see I don't want her to walk around town,
When I can walk through the courier service for her,
And have her present delivered to her person,
To her exact location,
With gifts... It's all about presentation!
And Fridays are the days when I stare at the mirror,
The day before,
And make sure that the shirt I wear,
Goes with the shoes and pants I wear,
I even match my tie with my suspenders and undies,
Just incase I get undressed that day,
Someone would get a surprise,
Those are the days when my Pop's steals me for lunch,
And steals my idea too,
Strathmore did really do good for my business skills,
I don't look at it like I look at it during Mondays,
And since we started having lunch together,
Our minds have united together,
I now realize he is a genius and I am a genius too,
But not in the same ways he is,
God he is bright!
Since we started having lunch together,
his bank account has boiled up,
Like milk left on the cooker too long,
Coins have poured out of his account and landed in mine,
And Fridays are beautiful days,
Even throughout my libido is over the hills,
Imagine if you got mad,
You had no power of your mind,
Your actions,
A lot could go wrong,
You could end up...
That is why I never like being high,
I am a nuisance high,
My disease already does that for me,
You will never be happy as I am on my high days,
I look at the sunset and it feels like an episode of,
Your favorite series,
And that is just the sunset,
Imagine how I feel when kissing,
I shake in pleasure,
Ask a good kisser who has kissed me,
And you wonder why I am addicted to such thing...

No one wants to know at the back of his mind,
And admit that the place for him is an asylum,
Mathare to be exact,
Rather a saner version for it,
See... Denial already!
Ati a saner version of Mathare,
That is insane!
"so have you ever seen any patients with Bipolar"
I can't ask if it is me,
"yes quite a number here and their"
"but you see we are in Kenya"
"Where if the disease cannot be seen..."
"Then it is not serious."

"So how do you know those patience are bipolar"

"ummmh they have mood swings"
I think of how my some girl friend of mine teases me,
Suggesting we should share sanitary pads.

"though their moods are a bit different from theirs and ours"
"it more had to do with chemical imbalances in the mind
That cause this mood swing not so much circumstances and environment but not constrained too"
Then I think of how my moods just come from nowhere, mornings!

"they feel happier than us to an extent us medics call it 'manic'..."
That's Fridays for me
"Or so sad and melancholic, depressed actually almost suicidal"
That's Mondays...
And the conversation comes to an end...

The doctor has spoken,
I lock myself in the room,
I rush through my mums big psychological books,
And I stare at the same pages I stared at since I was small,
I stare at the webpages I stare at almost on every Monday,
That's what happens when you don't believe something,
You confirm and confirm and confirm in disbelief,
Like you stare at bad results on a transcript,
In silence and total disbelief,
When someone keeps rubbing one eye,
When you tell them something unbelievable,
They might be rubbing their eyes claiming they feel something in them,
Don't be deceived that's body language for disbelief,
And it's as real as bipolar,
Just try it!
Like you stare at bad results on a transcript,
In silence and total disbelief,
And I start to feel sad,
Wondering if it will become worse?
Or better?
Or if it is really their or I see my own things?
That I might wake up and feel it's okay to take down a hundred panadols,
And I will have no control of it,
As I think this things I ignore my emails,
My phone ringing,
Notifications on my updates,
I need concentration,
To solve this unlovable puzzles,
And You know hard questions have something in common,
They force you to think,
Then frustrate you cause you can't find answers,
They depress you,
So that even the Brrr Brrr Brrr Brrr
Cring Cring Cring on you phone,
With a beautiful girl on the phone screen,
Feels annoying,

To the television!
That's what I did,
But now I pick my phone,
Especially when it is her on the screen,
Cause with her we can just talk,
It doesn't have to be hyper talk happy talk or sad talk,
It can be senseless talk,
It's more about talking to each other,
Than what we are talking about,
Cause I see her at the airport,
Years from now,
The only spot they lable bags NBO,
I have to take care of her,
I can't let her stand at the airport waiting to be picked,
But someone who doesn't appreciate how special she is,
I can't let her go to Molo Line shuttle to pick her parcel,
Let it get delivered to her,
To the exact spot she is at,
I know she will take care of me,
Till then,
Even if she has a golden ring on her finger,
And I have a ring on my finger,
And the ring on her finger I didn't place it there,
In a ceremony with a cake with two people standing on it,
Or I did put a ring on her finger,
In a ceremony with a bride and a groom standing on the cake,
So long as it's Friday,
She will love loving me,
Cause I will make her the happiest girl in the world,
Ask her,
I dare you,
ask her how happy I make her,
And I am yet to make her even happier,
But when it is Monday...
Its time to know how true her love is,
I can't settle for half love,
Like you can,
My life depends on it!

Push Him A Little So That He Knows He Is In Love





And she hit my inbox. She is in a complete dilemma, Cause her boyfriend is flying out, So I will be her boyfriend for now,She said if I picked her from work,She would rape me in the car, She was that horny that day. She hit my inbox just a moment ago, Her tone was already sad, She wanted answers,As if I am dr. Love or something.Just because I have a dic like her boyfriend, I wouldn't know what her boyfriend was thinking. When women are disappointed a man, suddenly we are a group, not a man, men! And we all think alike. Where do you think the phrase;'all men think a like came from'But I am giving her the benefit of doubt, I will assume all men think the same, Just to solve her problem tonight, Mostly cause she said she would rape me, That statement conduces me by the way, I am still unsure of how to respond to it. Anyways they have been doing their thing since day one. I am sure she is the kind of girl, Who would drag a guys hand, And walk into Hilton, Not the reception or the restaurant, Probably the bar but mostly the washroom. And the guy would protest, His wallet would protest too,In it's pocket,And his credit card might want to run out, Of Hilton, Like his feet would. But this girl is the kind of girl to say,
"everything is on me this time baby"
"come in inside"
And the guy would get more thorough in the spanking, In the slamming,And he would cum, After the girl screams quietly,
"everything's on me baby"
"cum in"
And the guy wouldn't mind walking out of the ladies washroom, Like he was chicken about walking into them. But now both the girl and the boy would have cum, Their is nothing anyone can tell them... And they would walk out of Hilton, The guys wallet only deprived of a condom, And the girls purse deprived of only a comb, Which she will leave on the sink doing her hair. In all the confusion. That's love, her hand in his is evidence, physical evidence, the joy on their faces is evidence that what is in their heart is love though can't be seen.

So that's besides the point here. She told me she was unsure what they had between them both, They have been doing everything a boyfriend does to a girl friend, What a girl friend does to a boy friend,She was wondering whether the guy felt the same. I told her that the guy must feel the same, Since we think a like by virtue that we both have dics! But she needs to be selfish,To stop thinking about what the guy feels, And starts to think of what she wants. Come on the guy has been banging your pussy for six months!
He is as fine as fuck!

So I advised  her how to force a relationship out of the bustard. He must love her but can't admit it. You know men hate commitment more than they hate relationships without sex. My advice to her was cocaine. Not to take cocaine. But to be cocaine! Make the guy so happy, Out of his mind,Out of your mind, Go out there to the world, And find how to make a guy so happy.
Melt him with perfume, so that when he flies out and finds another girl, the other girl would compliment her on the perfume and he will remember you. Melt him with Hugs, Lunches when he is hungry in the office. Then get thirty of your girlfriends, Find out how each one of them pleases their men,Then please yours like thirty women would please one man. For a week, Notice what he smiles at and talks mostly about, Get him as addicted to you,
Like cocaine, For a week. Then boom!
Withdraw,
Let the bustard go, let him fly for that business trip or whatever. He will come back with a ring in his finger. No one can resist good, No one can resist love,
You can never do something that will hurt you, You hurt yourself for good, Or a screwed up definition of what is good. Let the bustards go. Only if you know you have given him the best, And the most rare things. That if he were to search the world, Under all the skirts in the world, And the under the bra and under the most awesome boobs, he wouldn't find a heart like yours in someone else. He will only find a house. But not a home, Cause you are his home. Everyone goes back home after a business trip, but if its only just a house he is coming back to, he might just have flown out for good. Let him get money out of the wallet you bought him trying to pay for another girls coffee. And let him feel guilty about it before he does it. But this will back fire so loudly in your face,If you let him go, And he finds someone out there who loves him more than you do,
Someone who walks him into Hilton and tells him...
"don't worry baby, everything's one me"
"cum inside"
But if that's happens, don't worry. You are stuck fantasizing about raping me, Hope my princess doesn't get you with such thought. She will run over you, She is not afraid of running into things, It's not been a month since she ran into another car from behind. I am glad she is okay though. Honey, Drive safely!
That's all.
The end!

P.s I still remember that update you put about hilton! You are crazy.

From your,
Boyfriend
Boy-friend!

Tuesday 23 August 2011

My Lonely Path


He handed me the pen knife,
I handed him a five hundred shilling note,
"Thank you god bless you, tank you,"
I didn't need the pen knife at all,
But  he hadn't sold a thing that day,
If I didn't buy something from him,
He would sleep hungry,
It was either the fake sunglasses,
Or the pen knife,
I opted the pen knife,
I put it in my back pocket,
It was a crowded street,
Everyone else had one small shopping bag,
We were all running out of Nakumatt,
It was the only shop open,
It was getting dark,
No one wanted to be late,
I had too much luggage with me,
Mine were the biggest,
And the heaviest,ever as everyone was running home in a rush,
I was trying to run but could only walk,
My shopping bags were slowing me down,
I couldn't hurry,
I had too many things to carry,
They were too heavy,
And they were dragging me down,
Soon I would be alone on the street,
At that rate I knew it for sure,
I was alone I knew,
I heard the sound of bullets,
And my body froze,
I started to run towards home,
With the luggage I had,
And when I thought everything was okay,
I paced down,
I wasn't going to be a victim that night,
A cold metal touched the back of my neck,
And a cold arm touched my shoulder,
My wisdom advice me not to turn back,
"Don't run sweetheart,"
"Your phone mister?"
You are going through my phone?
"Don't look back,"
"hehe you were calling mama?"
"Were are your balls young man,"
The hand undid my zip,
The gun was pressing harder behind my neck,
my balls were grabbed,
They were squeezed,
sharp nails dug into them,
I must have bled a bit,
And she laughed,
I elbowed her,
And she got angry,
She threw my phone on the floor,
So that it cracked,
"Let me show you whose boss darling,"
I had made her angry,
She forced me into a darker alley,
Like a slave carrying everything I had bought,
I was facing a wall,
She put me on my knees,
Tied my legs with the guitar string I had bought,
She gagged me with the red tie I had bought,
I could smell the condoms,
At least I had bought condoms,
You know how condoms stretch,
She tied my arms with them,
"I call the shots here,"
"You hear me?"
"no more funny business"
She picked an apple from the shopping bag,
Took a bite,
For a girl she really had poor eating habits,
I could here her flip the pages,
Probably it was the bible?
Maybe it will change her,
Oh God I hope she reads a verse that changes her,
Or maybe it was the Shakespeare novels,
There were so many books i had bought,
She had stopped flipping the pages,
"mmhhh William Tell"
So it was history....
I wished it was the bible,
"Even Einstein wouldn't read such a complex book,"
"You think you are Einstein,"
"Free yourself,"
She hit me with the barrel of the gun,
"smart ass, tell me about William tell"
"I love a good story"
And I told her about how William Tell was a marks man,
How he was punished by the king unathodoaxly,
How he was paraded before a crowd,
An apple was put on his son's head,
And he was asked to shoot at it,
If he missed his son would be...
"enough... Don't bore me!"
"I will be William Tell"
"you will be my son..."
I love acting,
"Do you love acting?"
That is something we can try together,
She placed the half eaten apple on my head,
She walked away,
Tic tok tic tok the sound of her heels,
"is this far enough for you honey?"
I wished she was an accurate shooter,
Like William Tell's son wished his dad was an accurate shooter,
But this wasn't the same,
If she was an accurate shooter,
And aimed for my head?
She didn't love me so much to try to be accurate,
She didn't know me leave alone love me like a father loves his son,
If she missed it even by an inch,
My brains would be scattered on the floor,
Puff,
Waiting to wake up in heaven,
The apple was scattered in a hundred pieces,
Lying on the floor,
If she missed it I would be dead,
She sent six bullets,
They tore page after page,
The noisy pages flew on the floor,
She was the most accurate shooter I knew,
She took out my wallet from my pocket,
And placed it on my head,
And she shoot at it,
In an instant it was down,
I started to cry,
Sniffing back my running nose,
I knew I would die,
She touched my face,
"Oh darling?"
"Don't cry my sweetheart,"
"You will soon be dead,"
"don't fight with the fates,"
"You see it's not my fault you are foolish,"
"Running around at night with books like you are a library?"
"You want too be too many things out of life"
"A writer..."
 she threw something that sounded like pens on the floor,
"a genius.."
She tore pages from one of the books,
"even a sports man..."
She must have found the squash balls in my shopping bag,
Tush...
My body jacked,
I waited to wake up in heaven,
But I was alive,
"relax darling... It's just champagne"
"We are celebrating our marriage,"
She pulled out the ring off my finger,
Then she slapped me,
Talk to me little man,
She punched me in the face,
"You see if you just bought one thing,"
"Maybe maybe you would be able to run,"
"Now see your greed is going to cost you your life,"
"let's play William Tell again... Shall we"
As she walked away,
Champagne couldn't help her accuracy,
We all know what alcohol does,
She was not a thief,
She was a mad woman,
A serial killer perhaps,
I knew if I didn't do something,
I would be dead,
I went into my back pocket,
I took out a pen knife,
And cut the condom that tied my arms,
I was determined to save myself,
I turned all of a sudden,
Jumped up...
And threw my pen knife,
It I sent it flying in circles and circles,
If I missed I would be dead for sure,
And I heard a loud cry,
And it stopped suddenly,
I freed myself myself,
And walked towards her,
She lay there
With a knife in her chest,
It was such a shame she was so beautiful,
Her heart was bleeding,
I took her hand and pulled out my ring,
I picked the bottle of champagne and took a sip,
What a waste of such a nice piece of ass,
I got into her pocket,
Took out her purse,
I had to know what this mad woman's name was,
I took out her drivers license,
I saw her face on it,
She had one name
"Fate"
I left her body lying down on the dark streets,
But I wasn't going home with nothing,
I walked back to the shop again,
Nakumatt is a twent-four hour mall you know,
Picked everything I had picked before,
I saw a lawyer buy just one dark red designer tie,
I saw a Christian buying one bible and walking out,
I saw a lover buy just one champagne bottle,
no one bought more than one thing,
Except me,
"why do you carry so much baggage,"
"They will drag you,"
"You will never reach you destination"
"The streets are not safe"
Why was this stranger talking to me,
He had one squash racket,
He must have been a sports man,
Just a sports man cause he had nothing else in his shopping bag,
I ignored him,
I wasn't going to be like him,
I needed a full shopping bag,
I needed the Investors Journal,
How else would I become a wealthy man?
Without keeping up with business news,
I needed a new guitar how else would I entertain myself,
I needed a pack of condoms,
How else would I protect myself?
I needed apples to be healthy,
An apple a day keeps the doctor away doesn't it?
I needed a new phone to maintain my friends,
I needed the complete works of Shakespeare?
How else was I going to be a better writer,
I needed a squash racket and squash balls,
How else would I become a good sports man,
I needed a full shopping bag,
I wasn't going to be like everyone else,
Afraid of Fate,
Who dictates,
That if you want to reach Home,
Your destination,
You can only reach their with a small shopping bag,
The streets were completely dark,
I walked out of the shop again,
This time the streets were completely empty,
I would be on a lonely path home,
I met the hungry hawker standing outside the shops again,
"you want another one, god bless you thank you"
I handed him a five hundred shilling note,
He handed me the pen knife,
That was my gift to Fate,
I knew their were more of Her out there,
This time I hid it under my sleeve.

Monday 22 August 2011

Slowing Down The Minute Hand On My Clock

It is morning already,
I have seen many mornings,
But this morning I am waking up early,
To let in fresh air from my open windows,
Then head back to bed and wake up seriously late,
Later than what you think is seriously late,
Nothing is as throughly refreshing as a morning breeze,
That creeps into your bedroom as you sleep,
Enveloped by your warm blankets,
I must give my body the rest it needs,
Not waking up at the sound of my alarm clock,
But at the sound of nature,
The sounds of singing birds from outside,
Or the satisfaction of my body,
Opening my eyes at it's own command,
Cause I am tired of sleeping,
Not at an alarm clocks command,
Until my body is satisfied of it's rest,
It's lunch time already,
I have had as many lunches,
As the days I have been on this earth,
But today I spread an assortment of my favorite dishes,
Meats well done in plenty,
Lamp chops pork chops and t bone stake
Fruits from grapes to strawberries,
I set the table with the most beautiful cutlery,
A full glass of mango juice,
Thick and as healthy as a good life,
In a large shiny thick glass mag,
With a straw,
Today I have no worries,
Trying to spoil myself,
Trying to excite myself,
And my taste buds too,
It's afternoon already,
And the skies are clear,
This is when I am getting off my bathrobe,
The water is already pouring angrily out of the shower head,
Like rain only warmer and steamier,
I am going to shower for centuries,
Feel the drops of rain on my skin,
That water wants to massage me,
 Beat on my stiff muscles until they relax,
And the shower gel craves to scent this whole place up,
nothing beats the rejuvenating scent of a minty bathroom,
I will whistle and sing in the shower,
Enjoy the water like it were a Jacuzzi,
I might even burst a move or two,
In dance,
Dance scream sing until I feel nice,
Such stupid things feeds your soul,
The feeling after is so wonderful,
You must try it!
I am slowing down my watch,
So that every minute passes slower,
My heart beats slower,
I even take slower steps,
So that I see the world around me,
I am where I am today,
My mind is not worrying about my troubles,
Or planning for my future,
My mind is where I am today,
Not abstract thinking,
Just concrete thinking,
My mind is hear,
Absorbing the moment,
The filling up lungs with the scent of these flowers,
The perfume on this girl,
The taste of this mango juice,
The chilling feel of it on my throat,
It quenches my thirst,
You must be thirsty right now,
Have a cool cola,
One with ice cubes floating and knocking each other,
The sound they produce,
Is the sound of thirst almost getting quenched,
At the last drop you will be thirsty no more,
Have a cool drink,
I am taking this day slower,
Just to unwind,
Just to energize,
Just to enjoy ,
The present,
Shall we unwind together?
Take my hand,
We need a break,
Leave the hustle just for a while,
Forget your worries just a bit,
They will still be their let us go,
Listen to your body,
It's trying to tell you something.

Not A Normal Day


The best way to ask for something,
Is not to ask for that thing at all,
Or to declare you don't want it in totality,
But this was not going to be a normal day,
So the rules of a normal day did not apply,
The best way to ask for something...
That day I outrightly asked for something,
And I was given,
It all started with a conversation,
A conversation between me and one girl,
And soon the conversation over flowed with laughter,
So much excitement that it poured on another girl,
And the second girl was in the conversation,
If you stop in the street and look into the sky,
Someone will stop to and stare into the sky with you,
And soon enough you will have a crowd,
Our conversation had turned into a crowd,
And there were beautiful girls standing there,
Giggling together,
Listening to me,
And swallowing up my ideas,
And my suggestion,
It is not the only thing they would be swallowing up at the days end,
I asked for something,
Thinking it was a normal day where,
The rules of a normal day apply...
I was there seated on that foreign sofa,
I had never sat on before,
And they were their staring at me,
And as the bottle got drained to three quarter,
They got more friendly,
Their minds ran empty,
And their impulses took over,
And their buttons went lower,
Suddenly everyone was dancing,
But I remained seated,
Being a man,
Being a visual creature,
The room got darker,
But no one wanted to switch on the light,
It was as if we wanted to hide from each other,
Though we saw each other,
Probably we were lying to ourselves,
That the darkness will disguise us,
It worked!
We lied to ourselves,
You could see how wild we got,
The bottle was half empty now,
And strip poker was used,
As a scape goat to the barbaric behaviors that followed,
Their was a point I wanted to run away,
you think women are not strong,
But wait until they are two of them,
And the third one is guarding the door,
Their was a moment things got so wild,
I felt I didn't belong,
It was to much,
The pleasure of it all,
Up to a point it felt,
Almost unnatural,
And the bottle was just halfway drunk,
I swore I would have left,
But I kept on telling myself,
To wait a minute longer,
And when the minute came,
I wanted to wait five minute longer,
Sometime in the procrastination of my departure,
I gave myself a whole full hour,
And within that hour things were getting out of control,
The bottle was quarter way over,
And the girl that swallowed the last liters,
Was the girl that set everything in motion,
The girl that swallowed me the first,
Alive,
That encouraged the rest,
In action and in words,
And I was their listening,
You know I am a man,
An animal,
I almost ran out of my skin,
My body shook like a life,
The details still seem like a dream to me,
Somethings happened and other things did not,
Most things did not but some did happen,
And those that happened happened in abundance,
In excess,
I have never has such an excess of things happening,
You have never had an excess of such things happening,
So you can't quite relate,
Don't worry I don't think I can relate too,
And the funny thing is that I was there,
It was an over flow,
No man is that lucky,
Pinch yourself,
It must have been a dream,
No man is that lucky,
But who has the guts to inquire whether it was a dream?
Hey,
Random pretty girl?
Did we have a threesome?
Wait...
Three girls one guy,
That's not a threesome even,
I guess I will never know,
That definitely was not a normal day,
And the rules of a normal day did not a apply,
The best way to ask for something,
Is to declare you completely do not want it,
Or not ask for that something at all,
But what days does that apply to?




Sunday 21 August 2011

How To Mix Sex And Love


I stood there on the corridor,
And I was next to her,
She is beautiful,
Her skin is fair just how I like it,
But I don't only like fair,
There are girls who have held that against me,
More accurately a girl.
She was fair,
And I listened to her,
And she mentioned my favorite authors,
She even visit the same pages I visit,
The pages solely dedicated to jokes,
She has an extremely well formed figure,
An elegant figure,
It's feels refined,
It's not too loud,
Yet not too quiet,
It feels like a movie,
Like the movie stars,
Whose jeans fit well and slim,
But she is not slim,
But slim slender yet a bit wide,
She is full,
And confident,
She would satisfy a very horny man completely,
So that he wouldn't go looking elsewhere,
Even if his appetite was like that of a hyena,
Or even a herd of hyenas.
And she touched me,
As she laughed at my jokes as the conversation flew,
Into a place where no one else around us understood us,
The crowd around us had turned us into a pair already,
Excluded themselves from us,
Or had we excluded us from them?
And phone numbers were exchanged,
One or two short text were sent,
And I couldn't help my mind wondering,
Into my future with her,
She is not big so her ass would be soft,
Big girls have a very firm ass most times,
Hers would be softer,
But would be firmer,
For her body seemed firm,
As firm as her personality,
Her lips would be the same,
And I almost believe she would let me have her,
In my room,
I see the windows open one afternoon,
So that fresh air flowed in,
And fresh kisses flashed on each other,
Her clothes drop to the floor,
Piece by piece,
And the temperature in the room rising,
Degree after degree,
Like to match the motion of our bodies,
She would be under me,
Her eyes closed at intervals,
Completely at my mercy and me at hers,
But mostly her at my mercy,
almost ashamed of how badly,
She would want me to dic her.
I stood there on the balcony looking at her,
Listening to her,
Liking the clothes she wears,
The way they grip her,
Melting at her wit,
Her fast wit,
And her firm nature,
Her thoughts,
And her body,
I looked at her and smiled,
Then my phone disturbed my pocket,
I stopped it from vibrating,
And a photo of my princess showed up on my screen,
She loves sending me photos of herself,
Either to remind me how good she is with her camera,
Or rubbing to my face that she is the most beautiful thing on the planet,
And I smiled even much more wider than I did before,
Cause she is the girl that will make me understand...
how to mix sex and love,
Good bye my old life,
My princess is here,
In her black range rover,
To take me away,
For coffee,
To her legs,
Or to her heart,
Wherever she wants.

Hand Me Freedom


Boom a beautiful piece,
You write it and feel it,
Immediately it is done,
Then it does better than you expect,
The viewers and readers are as countless,
As the bubble in a champagne glass,
And post after post,
Word after word,
Your readers love and love more,
But then you realize,
That you cannot just write anything,
Not like you used to write before,
You have to please those that read,
And it becomes harder and harder to write,
Every piece you write you erase,
It turns into a mess,
You are on a path you can't go back,
You can't almost turn back,
The addictive statistics on the administrators log in page,
Are evidence,
Trying to quiet the sounds in the background,
Trying to quit the graphs on the statistics,
I need to numb this now,
I love to write,
How can I write when all this voices in the background,
Ask me where did my beautiful words go?
Why I have written ugly boring ones,
Was it better when I hid this words,
In my diary and private books,
I enjoyed writing them down then,
Now I can't,
Its about,
Stop?
Is this funny enough?
Is there suspense enough?
I miss writing in peace,
Looking for a drug,
To numb the sounds in my head,
In the world,
Numb the people in my ear,
That tell me of awesomer bloggers,
Of writers who write in 3D,
Even my Telly is not yet in three dimension,
I love to write,
This is where I want to be,
Numbing the sounds around me,
I miss careless writing,
That's where all the great pieces are born,
Unchain me,
Let me be free,
Numbing the voices in my head,
The sounds around,
Other writers around,
For with freedom,
Comes a great piece,
And I crave one.

Saturday 13 August 2011

Emailing Your Pastor

Look at it,
It is so shiny,
Stretch your hand out,
Until you reach it,
Touch it and feel it,
I can smell it,
It is always close by,
We want it all,
Everyone happy has discovered that,
The greatest pleasure is the chasing after it,
That even the enjoyment of it is addictive,
Stretch out your hand a little more,
You are about to catch it,
And feel the texture of it's ecstasy,
Stretch out a little more,
You got to reach out a little bit more,
Yes that is true,
open your eyes though,
There is always the life we are promised tomorrow,
If we spend more time in the library in school,
And have foreplay with books before exams,
Long foreplay like good sex,
We will reach it,
Yes all this is true,
Though open your eyes,
That is tomorrow,
What about today?
Isn't today a day important to?
A collection of today and tomorrow is what makes a complete life,
Things never quite change you know,
Yesterday in class I associated with the prefect,
Just so that I dont show up on the noise makers list,
Today I associate with the judge,
Just to make sure I dont get housed by the same people who rob me,
Stretch out a little more to reach out,
We have always had the same set-backs,
Today we have Kenya Revenue Authority,
Taxing our big castles into small mud huts,
How do you impose tax even on a mere pencil?
Yes we have disliked KRA guys since they were,
Not KRA like they call them in today's standard newspaper,
But when they were labeled tax collectors in the ancient bible times,
Stretching your fingers a bit further,
To reach out more,
Reach out for more natural ties,
The pure natural red silk ones almost impossible to get,
More sort after hand bags,
The ones bought in stores with better golden glow lighting,
But we need to open up our eyes,
We have always stretched out a little further,
Even when constrained by school uniform rules,
We tried to wear better fabric for the white shirts we were constrained to,
Almost got cufflinks for them,
To express our individuality,
Our ancestors lived in caves like the Flingstones,
The safer better placed caves location-wise belonged to,
those that stretched out a little more,
our Future shall live in the air like the Jetsons,
I bet the places in Space with fresher air,
Shall belong to those who stretched out a little more,
We have always had friends and craved them,
From forging our signature on the attendance sheet in college for us,
To creating family friends for our kids,
We have always reached out for nicer friends,
It's not a new thing we are doing now,
We have always had a nightlife,
Even before this generation,
The fire that they put up and danced around,
Was always at night,
Boy and girl as our traditional ancestors danced,
And that's the same way we court,
The lions Maasai's ren after,
To prove they are men,
We still hunt to today you know,
The business deals we run after,
In ties and two piece suits,
Dress skirts with coats with buttons on the left,
The newer version of a shuka bow and arrow,
We have always wanted the same things
Look at it,
The perfect life,
With the perfectly imperfect friends,
With the perfectly loving family,
Whatever shape it comes in,
It looks so shiny,
Stretch out a little more,
Reach it,
The perfect life,
With the perfect investments,
And the perfect philanthropical cause,
The perfect automobile,
And the perfect re-energizing hobbies,
The ones that bring us perfectly close to the ones we love,
And helps us unwind and break monotony,
The perfect life,
The perfect glass house with the perfect heated pool,
The perfect cathedral,
That it's members visit you when you are bed ridden,
The perfect pastor,
Who you bond with over emails,
That rebukes you of your bad sinful ways,
Even though you still struggle in the words;
the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
At least some use of your email account!
Stretch out a little more,
But open your eyes,
One life,
A complete life,
life is not tomorrow,
It is today and tomorrow
seize the day,
Live today,
Life is short,
Stretch out a little more,
You have to reach it,
with you right hand stretch out a little more,
And with your left hand hold and kiss what you have today,
Be greedy like that.
More. More. More,
More!
you have always had the perfect life.

Friday 12 August 2011

My Last Letter To You



I can't believe you called me a snake,
I can't believe you called me a serpent,
And perfectly mean things I can't write here,
Or re-read on my message inbox,
When my family was taken,
You were there,
Until they were back,
When my writing was being born,
You were there,
You read my writing even in the dead of the night,
Not like the new one that asks me to edit,
Three days after I have posted it,
When I was in trouble,
You offered contacts from Interpol even,
When I was laughing on the phone,
You were the one on the other end,
When we were chasing good coffee huts in town,
We discovered Merica,
You led me on until,
I depended on you like a deep sea diver,
Depends on his oxygen tank,
I want to text you back all the messages you sent me,
The ones you send me when you are angry,
I know your never allow your phone to store sent messages,
So no need of asking you to re-read them,
I can't copy-paste the nasty trillions of them back to you,
you know when you are pushed to the wall,
You crack and say things you can't take back,
And when you are angry,
The conversation always turns into,
The possessions I have,
Which are not really even mine,
The conversation goes to,
How I am using reverse psychology and all other antiques,
To get what I want,
Here is the reality girl,
Yes I do get most of what I want,
But I never get what I need,
Like peace of mind,
You know am always looking over my shoulder,
With a shaking hand with numbers on speed dial,
Unable to find the confidence to walk the streets at night or day,
Always planning on how I will defend myself,
And always trying to get out of the success shadows,
Of the ones that mentor me,
To be my own person and success,
You think I feel good,
When I get bad grades at school,
And compare my transcripts to my blood-lines,
You think I feel good,
When I look at my wayward life,
And compare it to my blood-lines,
And the bible schools she makes sure run,
To get little kids religious,
So much is expected of me,
And sometimes I feel I am not cut out for it,
And being an emotional cripple doesn't help,
Fruitlessly fighting this bipolar doesn't help too,
I am not as strong as you,
So this time get angry at me,
For making you jealous or something,
But this time leave,
And go for good for heavens sake,
I found someone,
Who when she gets angry at my actions does not run,
She stays on the phone,
And fights with me,
Out of sight out of mind you know,
That's your motto,
Not hers,
She would rather I stay,
Yesterday we talked,
And instead of throwing stereo-types at me,
Or trying to equate the way I act,
to possessions and where I am from,
She fought me with love,
Until we discovered each other,
From the roots of why I look for myself in other girls skirts,
I felt myself opening up to things I don't even open up to to myself,
She makes me a better person,
I make her a better person,
No snakes,
Like the one you see in me,
It's just angels and honesty,
you send me messages wishing me dead,
she sent me chocolate and a bracelet,
I saved my mum a piece without telling her who it was from,
Maybe one day I will tell her,
It's like we are connected,
Every time you call me in my bipolar-ish depression,
I normally am in almost every evening,
To depress me more by swearing why I am such a bad person,
So that I am even more depressed close to tears,
She calls me immediately after,
As if she can sense your animosity to me and my moods,
And she first makes me laugh,
Then takes care of me,
It is senseless,
Having in mind she will fly out for school,
And might not even come back,
I might follow her but probably in a different continent,
We might be separated forever,
But I can't cry now,
She doesn't call me a snake,
Or text me she wishes me dead,
She tries to build me,
She doesn't walk away,
She tries to build me,
I am a bad person,
But even twisted people get their love,
Everyone has someone made for them,
That's why we shouldn't force things,
That is unrefuted,
Maybe almost selfish,
But I am very selfless to you sublime ways,
I felt really bad when we jumped back into bed last time,
Mostly after we had done everything,
I had promised myself never to do that again,
But I had to,
So that you would be happy,
You even cried while at it,
And told me it's cause you felt something you have never felt before,
That the joy was overwhelming,
I just needed you as a friend for forever,
We were never meant to be together that was clear from the start,
And we agreed to the same,
We have been together on the same bed,
So it is understandable for you to be jealous and I too at times,
If you truly cared for me,
You wouldn't view me as shallowly,
Look at me as such a shallow person,
As shallow as the way you perceive me,
So what if she drives whatever she drives,
So what if she gets her sunglasses from wherever she gets them,
So what?
She makes me a better person,
I make her a better person,
When you call someone a snake too long,
They end up becoming snakes,
Look at bad fatherhood and their siblings,
And you will understand,
I don't want to be a snake,
She calls me her prince,
And I call her my princess,
And prince and princesses like the childhood books we read,
Are not snakes,
They travel the world,
And give love to the ones the world treats too fairly,
They collect food and give to the hungry,
They build each other out of their bad habits,
So that they can set precedence for the ones that look up to them,
All you need is one couple that doesn't cheat,
To prove to the rest of the world true love is possible,
She builds me,
I build her,
We build ourselves,
All you need is modern day Romeo and Juliet,
And everyone will believe in love again,
She builds me,
I build her,
She e en know I have a new blog,
We will set couple precedence like,
Romeo and Juliet if the distance separates us,
or something forever,
Like an eighty year old couple,
Either way,
Everyone will believe in love,
She builds me,
I build her,
We build us,
We are us,
Not snakes!

 

Tuesday 9 August 2011

Will Love Tame My Ways?

Here I am,
Almost in love with a girl,
Don't you understand?
This isn't easy for me?
Don't trivialize what I go through,
I am almost in love with a girl,
But look at me now,
Seated in another girl's house,
on her sofa,
As a movie runs on her screen,
Without anyone's attention,
All my attention is on this girl,
Who is on me,
Dressed but my lips are on her raw,
I am almost in love with a girl,
And here I am with another,
In her house with my hands in her skirt,
Her window curtains completely shut from the world,
My fingers fetching for her bra,
How stupid and confused can a heart be?
I know who I want,
I know what I want,
Can't I just grab it,
What am I doing?
I am almost in love with a girl,
I feel soar but I am greedy,
will love give me direction?
Will it give me guidance?
Will it be strong enough to make me keep my hands to myself?
My heart is weak to everything it loves,
As I think feel and write this off my chest,
My eyes almost want to shut at the sweetness,
Of the track playing in my head phones,
Be still,
Be still weak shaky heart of mine,
Be more focused in what you love,
There are beautiful things in this world,
Endless opportunity,
Almost too much opportunity,
And sometimes too much opportunity can be poison,
Too much opportunity can make you lose your way,
Too much of something is poison,
With too much opportunity around,
I feel I am losing my direction,
What am I doing now?
And I can feel it in me thoroughly,
That I am almost in love,
My weak confusing heart,
Capable of love and pleasure so easily,
By everything that can melt my dear heart,
My poor heart I wish you were stronger to resist,
You are on another girl's sofa,
At least you haven't undressed her already,
But your hand is deep in her skirt grabbing so greedily,
And you are almost in love with someone else,
But be true to yourself this time around,
Thats what I remind myself,
Let things fall into place,
Don't rush sending relationship-request on Facebook,
Don't rush trying to stop kissing someone,
Instead,
Be unable to not send a relationship-request on Facebook,
Be unable to kiss anyone else but the one you cannot not kiss,
I must remember not to force myself,
Just let things flow naturally,
As naturally as pregnancy,
Bundles of joy comes after it,
So naturally,
Don't you understand?
This is not easy for me?
But this confusion,
This guilt,
Must mean something,
I will go with truth to the end,
I hope this is not an excuse to be a bad boy,
I know it is supposed to be;
Girl and boy,
Not in there plural forms;
Girls boys,
One girl one boy,
It will be,
Maybe one day,
Soon,
But right now what we have,
Is sweeter than the photos we take together,
And you know how sweet those are,
Moments captured,
Emotions seized,
I almost love you princess,
Will love give me guidance?
Here I am,
Will love tame my ways?
Here I am,
Completely unmasked,
Here I am,
Nakedly true,
Here I am,
Punish me with your anger, 
Or heal me with your love,
Am on my knee,
Will love tame my ways?

Saturday 6 August 2011

Let Me Bitch


I lost it,
I am careless,
And not in the good way,
Like careless about spilling champagne,
On the carpet,
Or on the seat,
I saw it drop on the floor,
As I grabbed my gown,
In the already steamy bathroom,
I love steamy bathrooms by the way,
They are warm on cold mornings,
That's why I let water run in the shower,
To steam it up,
Before I shower,
Then I enjoy the shower more,
And therefore the morning too,
And the view of the town,
My shower has such a lovely view of the town,
I see the whole town,
I think I picked it up,
When it dropped when I picked up,
My clothes and gown from the hook,
And I left the house,
Forgot where I placed it after i picked it up,
And worried about it in court,
I couldn't concentrate,
Most of that day,
It felt like the feeling you get when,
You think you left gas leaking at home,
You can almost smell it from work,
But you can't go back to ensure,
That you turned the switch tap off,
I forgot about it,
The SIM card I lost,
it's not just a sim card you know,
It is where I keep everyone I love,
It has all the telephone numbers I need,
I didn't have back up,
All the numbers are there,
My friends are there,
If I wanted to reach someone six towns away,
All I needed was that SIM card,
Even a house away,
All I needed was that SIM card,
And I lost it,
And it is without back up,
I had numbers from magistrates that I stole,
Numbers from cops that I almost trust but hate,
Numbers for judges,
For friends I never see,
Out of the country,
Some I might need to call them and say happy birthday,
Even if it is once a year,
How will I maintain relations with my friends,
And family,
Extended family,
How will I hear their laughter,
When I lose my SIM cards?
While even to meet my neighbor,
I need to call,
And tell her I am coming?
To probably lock up the dogs,
Or to crush at her place,
I could almost sleep in the streets,
If it is not for my SIM card,
And now it's lost with the numbers I stored in it,
So don't look at me as if you don't understand,
Why I am so grumpy this morning,
Don't ask me why I find that the milk is not cold enough,
Or the glass is not well placed on the table,
Let me bitch,
Cause I feel bad,
I lost my SIM card,
It's not easy,
To recollect everyone you love,
When you have no way of reaching them,
I just haven't lost a thing,
I have lost relationships,
I have lost friendships,
I have lost business associates,
I have lost,
Even,
lovers...
So let me bitch!

Friday 5 August 2011

...just everything I want


She was in those Bata shoes,
The plastic ones,
That chics do not find unique,
I posted a blog about them,
I think the post was titles,
'let it weekend...'
She is such a princess,
And I like to believe she wore them,
Cause I blogged about them,
It makes me feel nice,
Especially cause she didn't look,
As awesome as I imagined her to look,
And I think she knew that,
She mentioned she would look hotter at night,
As we held hands playfully,
Walking down some stairs at sarit center,
That was later on that day,
The day started with her,
Wearing the nicest pair of sunglasses,
I don't remember them particularly,
But I remembered the way they dangle with her car keys,
And the blackberry she held in her hand,
The click click sound of them bumping,
Into each other,
Was so sweet,
But not sweeter than,
The pepper stake I ordered at java,
The one right at the nicest spot at ABC place,
I completely hate my meat sweet,
I don't think she liked her chicken that much,
But we had talked for a while on the phone,
BBM-ed each other for forever,
And sent each other photos of where we go,
The beautiful things we saw,
Now that's completely enjoying each other,
But the food wasn't as nice,
The conversation was dying,
And I was struggling to keep it alive,
And when I saw she also hoped that our date,
Turned out better than it was,
I let the conversation die,
Cause I knew that we were more than circumstance,
We were more than a bad date,
We were both already struggling,
To enjoy each other,
And when you both hope for the same thing,
Then the chicken can be bad,
The date can be crap,
But your hearts are at the same place,
Both hoping for the same thing,
And when the I couldn't pretend to like the meat anymore,
She asked for hers to be parked,
As we walked out of that beautiful place,
She whispered she needed to say hi to her dad,
And I froze,
And left her to her father,
Standing there hoping I wont be called,
To explain why I was with his daughter,
Relax man; she is not pregnant...
Heck I haven't even got under her dress...
I froze there under the warm sun at the parking lot,
And she walked towards me,
She didn't carry a smile with her,
So I uncrossed my fingers,
And knew I was going to meet her old man on techinically the first date,
And I looked at my in-law right into the eyes,
As brave as a man who is sure he will take care,
Of someone's daughter,
His hand was on his lip,
Like he was swearing insults at me,
But as the conversation went on,
It moved to the table,
And I knew he was fine,
So the date wasn't bad after all,
You know how writers love to feel,
Something fresh,
And that thrill was fresh,
As fresh as the feeling she gives me,
She has always had a chance with me,
Even though she makes me chase her,
She drives to fast for me,
And me not being a total nairobian,
I needed my GPS,
And what I drove had no GPS,
So she was my GPS,
And the girl drives fast,
She lost me a couple of times,
I was angry at her,
And that night when she looked flier,
Not saying she didn't look fly during the day,
She is one of those girls,
Who would wear the wrong dress,
With the confidence of a princess,
And you would be proud of her still,
Besides she is beautiful,
So everything goes with her,
You would love the feeling she gives you,
When she holds your hand,
She is my 'third blackberry experience',
That night at a club not everyone goes to,
Where candles are on the floor,
Wrapped up in colorful paper,
So that they beautify the entrance,
To the glass walls and garden tent stage,
No one throws a party like capital fm,
Even there radio fm music is beautiful,
Imagine their parties,
We found our way to the light blue lite bar,
The one where light comes from the bar and not the roof,
And I held her by her waist so close,
So that her cheek was on mine all the time,
Than I screamed at the bar tender,
To get my girl her drink first fast,
I didn't care how crowded it was,
She wanted a drink she must get one,
Before everyone,
And I felt eyes on us,
And I am sure the bartender so how close we were,
How for each other we were made for,
And out of instinct,
Ignored all other orders,
Gave us the one red ice,
That she wanted,
And a wine glass to go with it,
And how comfortable I felt,
With my body on her,
Her body squeezed on mine,
Her wrapped around my hands,
And me,
At that crowded well almost dark lite bar,
So that she was mine,
And no one would touch her,
But me,
And her smile,
I knew she was the one,
I felt it from the start,
She always had a chance,
And no one ever has a chance,
She brought me clarity,
She took my heart right out of me,
She is everything I want,
she is.

Don't Be Mad

Just when you start to cry,
You find you have more tears,
You find that you have more stimuli,
To cause fresh tears to flow,
So it's slowly painful and steady,
You fall down,
You struggle to gather energy,
Just a small ounce will be enough you figure,
To get yourself out of the mud,
You have been stuck in,
But the moment you are up,
You are thrusted back,
With much extra force,
To the mud you had been sleeping in,
For days,
And you feel you need another ounce,
Of strength to get up,
But this time you just want to sink in,
Stay in,
Sleep in,
In the mud,
On the ground,
Like it is your bed,
You are sleeping the morning in,
On Saturday,
You almost can't feel any pain anymore,
You feel immune,
Then you get hard hit again,
By something you didn't think could go wrong,
Almost like waking up to find you hairless,
Something absurd as that hits you,
All you want to do is stay out of the world,
But then you find people laughing,
Your friends actually,
Those who you love,
And you have maintained your relationship with them,
Better than a wife maintains her relationship in her marriage,
You find that,
Through it all,
Your sleeping in mad,
And your tragic events,
Someone is always ready to make you laugh,
And slowly in that state,
You realize,
That the preciousness you have given,
To maintain good relations with those you love,
With your friends,
Even when books cover you to the top of your head,
And you are as busy as a bee,
The moments you spend,
Texting those you love,
Meeting up with them,
And wasting time at coffee joints,
Poking them at social media sites,
Which by the way is a very pointless beautiful thing,
Suddenly becomes the most beautiful thing,
And it is at that moment,
When your phone constantly rings,
You cross the streets,
And someone you are friends with,
Spreads a hug on your sorrows,
And you know hugs,
They always chase your sorrows,
Gone are the days when I would sit down,
Construct a shag-list for the hottest girl in a class,
This one... Then this one.. And the next,
Here are the days,
When I am deeper than that,
I actually can refuse to see a girl bra-less,
Cause I consider her a friend,
And I want to keep her my friend,
With the same energy couples do,
To night I toast to my friends,
Those I send messages to,
Those I call often,
Those that send me gifts,
Like that very old bottle of liquor,
Which is older than you and me both,
Those that keep me company,
By the tennis and squash courts,
Those that we laugh with,
Those that I have pizza with,
My success,
Is the relationships I have built with them,
And the love I shower them with,
So when I don't sex you,
Don't be mad!
Am not the shallow person,
I used to be,
Are you?

Tuesday 2 August 2011

Bravely Speaking For My Jewels

I walked into the washroom,
And screamed at the guy who cleans it,
And he walked to the sink,
Washed the golden ring,
And gave it to me,
I got my suit coat out,
Not the half coat,
But the main one,
And tried to fish out my wallet,
A payment later on should be in order,
And that is how this story ends,
With a janitor giving me a golden ring,
So let me begin it,
if you are a girl,
And you are pretty,
And I like you,
You know I waste a lot of sperm,
Throwing it in the dustbin,
After it fills up that balloon,
This is largely because I still wear my ring,
On the wrong finger,
My golden ring is never on the marriage finger,
It is always on the middle finger,
Which is close to the marriage finger though,
I know one of this fine days,
I will make a mistake and not wear it on the middle finger,
And then and only then,
I shall stop wasting sperms,
So now that we all know I wear a golden ring,
On the wrong finger until I am thirty two or something,
I will tell you my experience with magic,
Not the Harry Porter one,
But one more practical one,
Impregnating one gold ring into two gold rings,
So I walked into one of those shops I like,
Almost love the ones that look empty,
And only serious purchasers get into,
It has been there since I was a kid,
As a family we have always been ripped off at that store
Even after discounting the price by lower than half,
I walked into it,
And I started to almost feel out of place,
Nice shops have that effect on you,
I was at home,
But my wallet was not,
I could feel it wanting to stay out,
Wait for me outside the door,
Fortunately it cannot speak,
So I entered with it,
I saw the shiny jewels,
All lined up neatly under the clear glass,
Some sitting on navy blue velvet,
Some on red,
As you got further inside the shop,
You didnt have to be told the prices got higher,
You could see it for yourself,
The beauty of the rocks and jewels escalated,
And you felt more out of place,
I was at home,
I hadn't come for something completely golden,
But even when I buy ugly metals coated in gold,
I like to do it at a beautiful place,
So I was very close to the door,
It was very early,
So the boss decided to come close to the door where I was,
Everything was different now,
He didn't look as tall as he used to when I was small,
I already felt stronger,
My feet did not want to walk away,
And come back with bigger feet to the shop,
When I was younger this was the point when I wanted an adult,
My father to tell the jeweler the calculator casio watch I wanted,
But I felt taller,
And I could read most names,
Even the French ones,
I could almost quote the name of every metal there,
Not the name of the jewel,
The metal that made it,
It's like stating the ingredients of chocolate,
Not just the name on the wrapper,
And for that moment I wondered,
Why was I ever intimidated,
But I remembered,
I looked at him,
Right into his eyes,
I felt fear in me,
But it did not show,
Mostly cause I didn't quite care,
That's it,
I was more selfish now,
I knew what I had come for,
An ugly metal wrapped up in gold,
Gold coated if you like to sugar coat it,
I stated I wanted a ring,
And he stated the prices,
After I pointed at one,
I was amazed at my confidence,
He placed them at the table,
And tapped his fingers on the table,
His tapping his fingers would make you feel you were wasting his time,
Tap you finger on a table at someone,
And you will see what I mean,
And I was almost hurried,
But I was careless,
He was quick to return them under the glass table,
After I had failed to get one that I loved,
When I was younger,
That would be the point where I would take whatever he gave me,
At whatever price he wanted,
Just to prove to him,
I have the money to buy,
Or out of intimidation,
Jewelers are at their own level you know,
But I knew his tactics,
I could see them now,
Probably it's cause of the books I have been reading,
Which are more than average,
The irrelevant ones and relevant ones,
I could see him pick his cordless phone,
And discuss something of an international nature on it,
I could see him fidget and complain he didn't have time,
That I was wasting his time,
Only jewelers can pull that stunt,
They sell jewels,
I exposed him to himself,
Unleashed a compliment on how good a business man he was,
I was stating a fact cause I could see his tactics now,
And his phone calls stopped,
And the drumming of the fingers,
And the returning things back under the glass hurriedly,
I saw half a smile on his face,
Then a slight laughter when I told him,
I was taking my time since I had realized that,
Most of the coated things he sold even for coated ones,
Did not quite match my standards,
And my wallet was not going to allow me to move further into the shop,
I told him he must give me something I like,
He must do better,
That I will not fall for his intimidation to move me further inside the shop,
He will not drum his fingers,
To make me pick something I had not scrutinized for long enough,
He would not poke degrading hints at me,
To make me buy something that doesn't wear a gold jacket,
But is jacket in itself,
And he will not flatter me with regards to girls and rings,
So that I picked something I didn't like and regret it  later,
He stared at the watch on my wrist,
I could see his eyes burn into it,
It belonged to the far end of the shop,
Not where I was,
He stated an obscene price,
A price so obscene that at a shop like that,
You would take it cause it is a jewel shop like that,
With good lighting and a lot of jewels,
A price so obscene if you stated yours you'd feel embarrassed,
But I was more confident now older,
I know my place in the world now,
I have been around daddy enough to realize,
I stated my price which was actually an insult to his,
And he laughed as an insult to me,
I insulted the blemishes on the rings to him,
insulted his lack of weigh scale for silvers,
And joined in his laughter,
Mine lasted longer than his,
He ripped me off,
But not as badly as he always did,
I was comfortable paying him what I did,
Cause I had also bought an experience,
And every good jewel has a story,
That's what the premium price is about,
Besides at a jewel shop like that,
They have the best of the best,
And as I got into the hotel with my ring,
And walked to the wash room,
With coated rings you let them sit on the sink as you wash your hands,
Otherwise the coating will go down the drain somehow,
Along with the water and hand wash,
As I walked to the washroom
Wash rooms in nice hotel always have a guy working in them,
And the guy was seated taking an inventory of tissues or something,
His fingers were shining,
He had his ring finger with his wedding finger,
And his middle finger with my golden ring,
Not the one I was wearing,
The one I had before and left it on the sink,
I sent words into the air,
Directly reprimanded him for having it,
He washed it at the sink as I straightened my tie,
And pushed my half coat better,
Pulled out my wallet out of my coat,
But decided not to tip him for his bad behavior,
And when he handed back to me my old ring,
I let it sink in my suit pocket,
As the other shown on my middle finger,
And that is how I have two rings,
In an aim to replace the lost one,
I found a new one,
And both come with a story,
And just like that,
I have two perfect gold jewels,
When one wears your shirt let him have it forever,
But when the whole world shits on your jewels,
Clean it wear it and love it more,
We all love our jewels,
They are as natural as the dirt they come from.