Safaricom here you are again,
Breaking my heart,
First is was the Shares,
I have never seen such valueless Shares,
Secondly it was customer care,
How do you just say you have too many subscribers,
That your customer care staff aren't enough,
Who cares?
Guess what I don't,
We don't,
Keep that nonsense in your stupid board meetings,
I am the customer,
I don't want to call customer care,
But cause you are incompetent when I have to call you,
I want to call customer care and I want the phone picked up,
I want to call customer care and I want the problem fixed,
Whether you employ aliens to pick up the phone,
I don't bloody care,
Keep that in your board meetings,
If I wanted to hear a speech about how big your network is,
And how congested your customer care was,
I would come work for you,
But look at me,
Do I really look like I can work for you?
I must be really desperate to do that,
Don't bore me with your speeches you talking to yourself,
Can you hear yourself?
It's about me dammit,
Am the customer,
Deliver...
The thing about business is that you deliver,
No, you don't give excuses,
Do you ever hear me give excuses buying airtime?
No,
Then why are you trying to turn this into a personal relationship,
Giving me excuses,
With all the money you have made,
Sorry meant stolen,
You can't hire enough staff to pick up phones,
How cheap and greedy can one be,
But more importantly please enlighten me,
If you asked me,
We are in Africa,
Aren't we Safaricom?
Don't you think the profit you make here,
The profit you have made here,
In a country where the majority lives on less than a dollar a day,
Don't you think making all that money in a country,
As small as Kenya and in Africa,
Is kind of like extortion?
It's like walking to a childrens home,
With only ten children,
And making ten thousand shillings,
From children out of childrens home?
Have you no guilt,
One company can't make such profits in a third world country,
Without it being extortion,
Okay? Safaricom,
never repeat that again,
otherwise you will go to hell.
Go to hell,
Did you hear what I said,
Yes, you should go to hell,
And what else Safaricom?
You deliver...
Okay?
Its the basics of business,
Safaricom when I walk into a restaurant for breakfast,
I don't want to care whether there was a shortage of milk,
I don't care if you flew it here with a jet fighter,
Or a rocket,
All I want is my breakfast and milk at my table,
I have other things to worry about,
So don't dare tell me that your customer care is now fast,
Yes I admit it is reasonably fast now,
How short do you think our memory is?
Aren't you insulting our intelligence,
how fast was it four years ago,
You think now that it's fast we will forgive you?
Then tell me why your stupid Buy-a-bundle site never works,
Why can't your site recognize my iPad,
It only recognizes it when it wants to,
At times,
Which is very rare,
Like the customer care you used to offer,
Rare,
And you safaricom shamelessly put an iPad,
Yes, a wall paper of an iPad on that site,
That site that doesn't recognize iPads,
Shameless,
I hate you safaricom,
I really do,
We hate you safaricom,
We really do,
I almost hope Safaricom Cloud fails,
But I support the environment,
And reducing the carbon footprint,
So I guess I have mixed feeling on that one,
But I hate you Safaricom,
So black berry services don't work for like a week,
Then you refund us with seven days of free net,
I don't want your goodies,
Good service is better than sacrifice,
So don't come here telling me that you are,
giving me seven days free bb services,
To compensate for your shoddy work,
I should be lighter on you?
Do you know you guys made me subscribe for bbs again,
And no my subscription hadn't expired,
I can't talk to my girlfriend cause this is the fourth day you are conning me,
I subscribe you don't give me my services,
In your opinion Safaricom,
Tell the truth,
Isn't that the definition of stealing,
Or being a con man?
And you calling yourself the better option,
Don't you kind of think that's a lie?
No?
You have no guilt?
Shameless,
Where are my emails,
Where is their fast access,
Where are my Facebook notifications,
And twitter,
And black berry messages,
Don't even tell me about the refund,
I don't want it,
I don't beg,
I pay and expect results,
You common thief,
You beggar running around the stock market begging for money,
That you plan on its use so unintelligently,
Take a page from my book,
What are you?
Shame one you,
Go to the toilet,
You are the reason I am a lawyer,
And just for fun,
I will be suing you every time you mess up just a little bit,
Every time I will drag your in-house lawyers to court,
Hope I become a busy lawyer so that I don't have time for you,
No Safaricom,
I will make time for you,
Every time,
Just to be a pain in your tush,
Anything I can sue you about I will try,
With everything I am,
And I will get others to do the same,
We are tired of you,
And we will buy ourselves nice sleek cars,
With the court proceeds from your poor services,
You pretentious bastard,
Add some value to you valueless Shares,
Fix my blackberry this instant,
Am not asking,am demanding,
Am ordering you to...
Fix your modem site for my iPad,
How many times will I ask you to do this,
Until you do this...
I hate you,
But please do make more and more profit,
But even if you make a loss,
I will still suck the life out of you,
Like you have sucked the life out of your customers,
Causing them sleepless nights trying to reach you,
Letting your network get disconnected,
So that lovers break down cause of lack of communication,
I told you am a lawyer,
And am coming for your ass,
You will make me rich safaricom,
Do I promise that?
Do I?
Or shall I tell you that am a good business man,
And I deliver,
And when I say I will deliver,
And I say am making a promise,
That I will come after you,
I will deliver on those words,
Sue you until you are so broke,
You get chased out of the corridors of Nairobi Stock Exchange?
Where you hang around begging for money,
Okay maybe you will not leave NSE you beggar,
But you will buy me a nice car,
Am thinking a porshe,
Do you think I would look good in a porshe?
No,
A jaguar?
Better,
Auston Martin?
Maybe,
Yes,
Continue messing up like that and you will see,
How you will buy me not one,
All those cars above,
And probably also a castle,
Safaricom do you know about Lord Egerton's castles,
I have a feeling you will buy it for me,
Fix my phone bloody!
NkT!
