The carpet has to be red. I will not stop. Let me sweat if I must. Let me sweat even blood. The camera must flash. People must scream. Girls must scream. It must be consistent. I have seen others fake it. I don't know if it real. But the screams must be loud. The carpet must be red. I must wear shades at night. I will not stop. The carpet is not yet red. But I will close my eyes. Walk until I feel my shoes sink in soft carpet. Until I hear screams. I can't stop walking now. Cause I can't just seat here. Their is nothing better to do here. You can't stop. Take a different path. I am a train. On the rail. Have you ever seen a train go off it's rail? I am a train until flashing lights.
I will find words, not mine but some mine. I will read them between the lines. The hills must rise on my screen. No more valleys I swear. These words have to have more eyes. They just must. Cause I am already addicted. No more stealing. My shutter must seize. The difference I see. A product of Tarmac and fuel. A product of planes and waters passed. I am already addicted. These words will form hills. Mountains. And will be stolen. Will be poured on papers. Next to headlines. Headlines themselves. Mountains are a must. Close my eyes now. Nothing is easy. I will pour out. Cause I can't keep in.
Everything is simple. I just need to make it more clear. It's the heart that is hard. It feels. That is it's problem. When it becomes a problem sometimes. Right now it's at it's worst.
Everything is a puzzle. This large sphere we live in is a maze. To complicated. But I have simplified it. With direction I have. But sometimes I get the direction and reach the destination. Then I am left with nothing more. Or the things I am left with require patience. I can't sit watching a seed grow turn into a plant and a tree. I will run mad. My patience is short. Maybe I need to stretch further.
This text is written with water. I must sit in a room with a robed woman sitting elevated before me. Watch me wrestle with my opponent fairly. I must be quick to throw the blow. But that quickness comes from siting in a room. A gym. Punching books until their writings are on my finger tips. It is not an option. I have to have all the horses. With the highest horsepower. Even a unicorn perhaps. Glide in the air and land on big buildings.
I am suffering from lack of clarity. After arranging these words into paragraphs. I have solved my problem. Art gives me clarity. I wouldn't have dreamed tonight if I didnt arrange my equations so as to solve the problem I have. I would have nightmared. Even worse. None. Art is the formulae. I feel like I have a hundred percent.
I realize what lies ahead. Now it is clear that I suffered from a fogging path. To much fog to see the roads to the destination. I am like a wide truck on the large American free way. Not like a British road or a Kenyan road. Not narrow. Wide. Am a wide track. With a blade on the front. To carry the heavy load of snow that has covered the wide road. With over ten lanes. Around twenty. There maybe more lanes. Cause with development we build. Building is our constant. When constant is change. The snow I sweep of on the road. I store. Snow is ice. And ice is diamond. When I say diamond I mean a heaven. When I say heaven I mean perfection. Not just diamond as coins. If I look at the topics on my diary. And count. I will find twenty topics I think. Sometimes the road is foggy. When it is foggy. My heart cries. It is like a dog. It might be barking cause it is trying to warn me. That if I don't take care I will end up dead. Robbed of life itself. But it might be barking cause dogs just bark.
Tonight I will sleep early. Though it's already late. But it is early. Cause if it wasn't for these art. And the short prayer I just whispered. I would have slept later. But I sleep early today. My problems aren't solved. But now I know what it it. My problem is that I needed a map. I have a map. But it's unclear. And I need to realize that drawing a map isn't easy. I can't just draw part of it. And expect the dog will not bark to protect me from this imbalance. The road is foggy. The dog is barking. But I can sleep now.
I will use the map I have. Cause thats all I have now. And put so much effort drawing it. Realize that direction is more important than hard-work. A billion times more important. But with the rough sketch I have. I will travel. But as I travel. I will use my pencil and rubber. Excessively.
It might take sometime. I will draw. Paintings. And in the paintings I will live. The paintings drawn. I have drawn some pretty beautiful ones. Like the ones in the movies. I have gotten into those paintings. Been those paintings. And left those paintings for newer ones. That's what I do best. That's what I have done best. My dog doesn't bark when I remember myself like that. It's my most defining characteristic. It wags its tail.
I will paint. Paintings. And in the paintings. I will live. And leave those paintings. And start all over again. I am the director. That always forgets he needs to paint paintings faster. Cause he is being in his movies faster. The two must grow together. Experience breeds speed. Balanced speed is best.
