Tuesday 27 September 2011

Recipe a Bad Date 

There I was, young at age, just a few months out of high school. Still amused by how easy it gets to date when you grow a little older. Your freedom becomes a little wider. Women become a little wider on the parts that make your shorts a little wider. Life is truly like wine. 

Their I was, tasting wine, ready to taste her lips. I felt funny inside cause it was a blind date. Blind dates feel embarrassing to me even to today, but I guess since times have changed, we should change with them too. They are blind dates, yes they are, even when you exchange a million photos. 

Their is always something you will not have anticipated, with blind dates, their is always something, like once, she was fine, but she had an off smell, which wasn't perfume. I almost cried for her, when I realized it was natural. At another time, she had bad smell, but this one, was just bad perfume. Some other time, she looked beautiful on her photos, but she wasn't in person. At least she had such a good camera. At another time, she was a pig, she ate. Then their was this one, she was as tall as embarrassment, literally three times taller than me, and two times taller than the tallest person you know. I have never had a problem with my height, but that day I had to. I almost had to stretch my hand in the air to shake hers.

It was a bad date at the start, it was Sunday afternoon, my place had a power black out. KPLC, was bad news even then. I was hungry too. I had slept for almost three days in a row, my phone was low on charge, so even chatting was not an option. As frustrating as that date would be, I knew I had no other place to go. So I got my jacket out, put it on the seat, and wore a smile.

"You look lovely"
I said. She smiled casually, and took a seat right opposite me. It didn't take five minutes to realize that she was like a Kiswahili teacher, she was a student, but was as boring as that. She didn't laugh. Boring chics laugh, it makes them seem interesting. So I started laughing at pointless things like a mad man, laughter is infectious. She laughed too. She was ready for plan B.

If I sat their waiting for pizza with her, and I was the only one talking, she was just listening, not engaging, not objecting, not laughing not smiling, just being a stone, I would be bored to a bad mood.

I wasn't going to let her know where I was taking her. Plan B was to be a surprise, I couldn't take No for an answer. So I didn't give opportunity for a No. She was laughing, therefore as slippery as butter.

It's always easier, to remove a pack of Rubber as a surprise, next to a bed rather than, remove a pack of Rubber at a restaurant. She might not just go with it. I was recipe-ing a bad date.I wasn't going to remove Rubber in the restaurant. I was going to surprise her.
 I wasn't going to ask her,
 "do you want to go?"
So that she has an opportunity to say No. Then what? Yeah? Then what? Then what if she said No?

I was going to take her, and when we got there she would know. It would be harder to say No. The temptation would be right in front of her. If she would refuse, which I strongly doubt she would, she was already laughing wasn't she? But if she would refuse I would ask her. 
"Then what? You want us to go back to the Pizza place? Then what? Yeah, tell me then what?"
Then she would just accept the temptation. Whether it was the cinema or rubber. It's a surprise, and surprises are not question. They are surprises, the recipe to bad dates.

It was the most awkward walk of my life. She was so tall it was like she was talking to the clouds, and I was talking to the trees. We  were trying to talk to each other, and it was simply fruitless, effortlessly fruitless. 
But I knew what I wanted, it was damage control for a bad date. The damage control was the Cinema. Then I would not have to talk. She would not have to talk. We would watch the movie.

I stopped walking the entrance. She followed my lead.
"You want us to watch a movie?" 
A movie is equal to kissing and touching, no exchange of words, their is food, and entertainment is passive. The screen will entertain her on my behalf, it would entertain me on her behalf. I will laugh, she will laugh, I will cry, she will cry, we will enjoy, she will enjoy, it would be a perfect date.

We got pop corns, she was standing at a distance away from me. More accurately I was standing away from her. She was beautiful that was a given, but we were a ridiculous pair. I love tall girls, even inches taller than me, but a kilometer taller. No way. What if in bed I reach up to her stomach instead of her neck, shoulder or lip?

"Do you want anything else?" 
"No, that's okay"
The shop attendant chuckled. Is he serious that girl is so tall? Is she serious that guy is totally not fit for him? Or was he thinking. Heavens, that guy must have game, such a tall beautiful girl. 
She was breath taking by the way. Breath taking girls mostly have no personality, all they have to do is sit there and look pretty, like a stone, or a beautiful sculpture. Sometimes, most times, that's all they have to offer. When you get bored. They just breath in air into their lungs, and then you are reminded of their chest. Their bosom. It's like a shot of energy to entertain them more. You want to get between them don't you? 
Plain girls however, have personality most times. Trying to save a date by going to a movie is not an option. When they call you, you pause the Telly and listen to them, cause they are more entertainment. I guess adaptation is a fair trait. 

The shop attendant chuckled, I hoped he chuckled thinking I had such enormous charm. That's the thought that made me feel nice. So I took that thought and put it in my pocket. He handed me the Pepsi, the pop corns and the Crisps. He also handed me a wink. That looked like a thumbs up. He definitely was proud of me. I walked with that thought, and the thumbs up. I wouldn't disappoint him.

We walked in. When we got into the cinema, I liked her more. Mostly cause it was dark. And the world would not stare at us funny. When we sat down, I even liked her more than I liked her standing, we were the same height. She wasn't talking to the clouds, as I was talking to the trees. We were talking to each other, and our lips were close. Could be close if I wanted to.

She was entertained, she was happy. She was willing, she looked at me with eyes to beg me to do something. Touch her, kiss her, ask her to touch me, kiss me. She was willing. And the movie was turning interesting. But the movie was turning interesting.

I forgot I was supposed to make the shop attendant proud. He had winked at me, almost given me a thumbs up. But I loved the movie. From the corner of my eye. I could see her with the Pepsi in her hand, looking at me, almost asking me to do something. Why else would she look at me while an interesting movie played on the screen. She was waiting for something.

I kept telling myself I will do something, but when I was about to, the actors got more believable, the plot in the movie took a turn, a twist, my attention was sealed on the screen.

People stood up. The music played. The lights turned on. It was over, it was too late. I hadn't done anything. I felt a little empty, I hadn't gotten some. The hole was quickly filled with the small whispers from everyone happy about the blissful ending. It was a good day to be at the cinema.

We were back on the streets. People were walking home from work. We were walking out from a place of entertainment. They were rushing, we were calm. 
"That was awesome"
"yes, I loved it."
"thanks"
"so where are you off to?"
before we got inside, it had been so hot it was disgusting and tiring. It must have rained the whole time we were inside, at the cinema you don't experience weather like those outside. Thanks to the rain, it was cooler now and the air more pleasant. No dust just freshness. It had stopped raining a while back their was evidence to that, the roads were more grey and cleaner from the down pour. The sun was about to set. It was the mood that called for kissing and taking someone home. For company, for pleasure. For enjoyment.

"Am going this way."
"am going the other way"
She wasnt in a hurry to leave, she had hope in her eyes. She still wanted something. She hoped I would do something.

We hugged. She went her way. I went my way. Then I made the bad decision of going throw my Facebook. I unfriended her as I walked in trying to keep warm in my dark blue jumper. People passed me as I walked. But no one I was walking in the same direction with passed me. I guess I was fast.  I saw beautiful women, that I would love to know, random ones walking towards and passed me on the same street. Most times you see good things and let them pass. Beautiful women. I erased her number from my phone.

It's been years, I cant remember her name, besides she is the kind to use 'Baby Sweetcheeks' as her user name. I walk the streets at the end of the day. I search the faces of the beautiful women that pass me. I can't remember her face. But I still search. She wanted me, she was willing. We wouldn't be more than lovers, but my life would be more interesting if I took her home. We would have stopped sexing some time. Probably when I feel in love with someone else. But we would text even after that. 

I walk the streets, searching the faces of very beautiful women I wish I could know. But I can't. You can only admire, wish and let them pass. Mostly cause they are strangers, beautiful strangers but also cause...
She wanted me, she was willing, and I erased her from my life. I never gave her a chance.