Dear actress,
How are you? Are people screaming when they see you. Do the cameras shine when you walk into a room? Does a bottle of wine get sent to your table when you go for a date in even quiet restaurants? Do people think you are such a phenomenon to the point you start questioning yourself on how good you are? Are your inboxes unmanageable? Do some people cry when they see you? Are they that overwhelmed. I saw you on the papers. Your career is just starting off.
I was running through the pages of a book. I love books you know, I don't have geeky spectacles. The big ones that look so simple I think a black felt pen and a silver metal cloth hunger is enough for me to design a pair. Those witty looking spectacles are like a Toyota Probox. All you need to design it the straight ruler, a divider and the yellow pencil in an Oxford Mathematical set. No need for a computer. As I was running through my irrelevant reading, I like reading irrelevant things cause some of them are bound to become relevant. Like the whole idea of blogging was.
I turned a page of a book that turned Obama president and J. f. Kennedy. You are a president, all actresses are. The ones as successful as coca cola. Show me a person who doesn't know about coco cola. Starting a restaurant and not serving coca cola is like starting a bar that doesn't sell alcohol. Though there is the trend of Mocktails in bars as forward as Customer Service. If you were as famous as coca cola. And for every restaurant to be relevant they would need you. Then know that your career is running up the hills, mountains. Simply to the top. Cause then if any director was to sell out a series, and you aren't present on it, then it is irrelevant like a restaurant that doesn't serve soda.
As I turned the pages, I understood things better. Celebrities are desperate people, as desperate as vibe-less horny guys who never get some. Celebrities are desperate for attention, especially the ones who look forward to beach houses. But it's those celebrities that are sent to hotels with a guest list, you just dont call and get a booking. You pull strings to visit them, when they send you some ridiculous bill, you get a loan gladly. I hear that's the case with Muthaiga Golf Club. Celebrities are desperate for attention, at least those who intend for their careers to fly up like a private jet, (competitors to the Air Force One), before you hate attention seeker, imagine being begged by every egyptian-cotton bedded hotel pleading with you to visit it. Just to get the publicity. When you have too much attention, then you are publicity. And your bank account turns obese. Put it on a weigh scale and it reads to millions. Then when someone calls you an attention seeker, tell them 'I have a plane to catch... This weekend I will be partying in another town, at some presidential suite, that's what I have to pay for my attention seeking, A useless bank account, I forget my wallet every time. Cause drinks are on them."
But dont be Paris Hilton, though she is a celebrity. She has her pussy all over, and she kind of feels like a whore to me. Probably be like J. F. Kennedy. Which president do you know that road in convertibles? That guy was a total movie star not a president. His dad worked in hollywood. So he knew how to be a Publicist as well as you know how to shit. He had been in the kitchen of hollywood all his life. Which president do you know who was a more sensation than J. f Kennedy, oh, oh. Obama? That guy who facebook-ed himself to presidency?
The next time you BBM me, my favorite actress, don't tell me how you are doing. Ask me to pick a magazine off the shelf to find out how you are doing. "which magazine?" I would ask. "any or all the ones that sell out" you would tell me.
Screw your C.V, see a new series on KTN. Walk to where they are acting. Sit the director down. "Pay me!" he might laugh. But he will not be when you tell him that his series will sell seventy times more if you were in it. "the public is hungry for me." Don't place, throw all the magazines and newspapers that have your picture and interviews on his desk. Cause that's what actors do. "they are all today's" make me rich I make you rich, I am good for your career, like you are good for mine.
Then after acting, tired and you want the make up off your face. Decide you arent going home that night. Besides you haven't shopped for dinner. Decide you are going to Mombasa, decide you are going to Nyali's Beach Presidential Suite. Even I wasnt allowed there. I am forced to live with the rumors I hear around. I know for sure it has a key card entry, almost like the FOB keys to a BMW. I know it must have a view to kill for, it is rumored they have a Pole. Not a basket ball pole, but almost similar, since with that pole you steal Score. The security is rumored to be Laser. Head to the reception, and since you are like coca cola, the receptionist should know you.
"I want to stay here tonight for free..." and she might tell you that "That doesn't happen in Kenya. We don't give celebrities free goodies."
On Sunday morning when you are checking out. "You were right, the restaurants were full, our rooms have been over booked." and you would smile at him. Then you will Tweet swearing their is nothing safer than a JKIA cab. And when your followers are as drunk as silly. There minds as off as an E in math. They will still pick the Airport cabs cause for some reasons they seem safer. " YES WE CAN! " now that guy is a true celebrity, how do you campaign in one country, then people in other countries want to vote for you?
How are you doing? I never want to ask you that in a letter like this again. Cause you are the celebrity on my BBM. You always on Telly. I want to hear how you are doing in a Ugandan paper when I go visiting my friend there. Make sure you BBM me the photos to the Presidential Suite. Does it really have a pole? I can't go on with life not knowing that. It kills me to have incomplete information and rumors. I love facts like this book am reading. My mind craves complete information. Suspense doesn't work well with me. Hand me that metal cloth hanger, I will shape it like spectacles, hand me that felt black felt pen. I paint this frame so that they look like plastic. Am a Geek. And I am cool. Cause I love reading, relevant things to make my life better, and irrelevant things to find opportunity, for me or for someone else.
Yours sincerely,
Bobby
@astoldbybobby
