Hi dames and Sirs,
To start with, let me disturb your mind. Are the contents of this blog true? Are they? No? Yes?
I have a therapist. She is hot. I know, typical, typical... Bobby, hot therapist, typical. First of all let me make it clear. I have never shagged her. You got to believe me, am serious.
But we never meet at her clinic. Heavens no! Am not sick. I just have bipolar. And maybe I have gone through things that were as horrifying as being on mount Kenya as it was getting built. Yes, built. Imagine standing there, and a volcano erupts. Can you run faster than a river going down stream? No? Then can you run faster than hot molten rock, that is liquid rock by the way? Can you run faster than a river of liquid rock racing down a mountain?No. I have been in mount Kenya as it erupted. That's why I need a therapist.
As I said, we never meet at her clinic, firstly cause the coffee she serves at her clinic is mud. Have you ever tried Kenya AA? Now that's coffee, not the Augentina hogwash you are talking about. A toast to Kenya.
We meet close to a coffee house, with my therapist. There is a place outside Nakumatt Nyali, brilliant... They measure coffee grains in kilo grams, and yes they do have Kenya AA. The place is elegant. The lighting tasty. Perfect place for therapy, that's where we will go with my therapist next.
But most of the time I like to conduct my sessions with her lying on the couch. I don't believe in closing my eyes and talking, you know like in the movies. I would rather keep them open. If I could sleep with my eyes open like a fish, I would. Fish are some really mad animals, wait are they animals, scientists, tell us? Are you trying to say no scientist read my blog? Now thats breaking my heart. Just go on breaking my heart! You don't have to be a scientist to know that this world never sleeps. And he who sleeps might end up leaving the world. Know what happens when fish leave water? They smell. Do you want to smell like a fish out of water even after taking a bath tap all your life? Then don't close your eyes during therapy.
If I closed my eyes during my sessions, you will not have anything to read. This blog would die like a fish and smell. Do you like smelly things? Smelly fish? If I hadn't walked into Nakumatt and bought my therapist, Dr.iPad, you wouldn't have read shit. Astoldbybobby wouldn't have existed. That's her clinic, Nakumatt. We never meet there anymore. I got into a contract with the guys at the mall and they allowed me to have her forever. I have never regretted ever since. Who would have know, bipolar would be my luckiest curse?
She always listens, always, never judges. She talks, yes she does, cause sometimes I tell her things, I write things with my mind, then I get into a trance and start writing with my heart, with my soul somehow I go into space, and everything is timeless, and exciting and different and space is as space is, empty, I run the world in space, no one tells me jack, even the most peculiar ideas float, in space. Sometimes I write faster than I think and with every sentence sometimes I just get surprised, have you ever surprised yourself. When you do, you can turn off the tv sometimes.
I know myself more, I ask myself more questions, she asks me questions, and I answer them myself.
Just today, I sat down on my couch, my legs on my arm rest, the fan on, with blue boxers, and a lightly faded blue tshirt written 'hakuna matata'. And you know what, when I looked at my therapist she had nothing to say. She gave me a blank page. I asked her.
So why are you staring at me so blankly? I knew in her mind she was thinking, what's wrong with Bobby? Bobby has never bought me a sleeve, Bobby just throws me into a bag, Bobby has never bought me a bag, I didn't want shoes, I just wanted a bag, a Luis Vuitton bag, just that, and what does Bobby do, he steals the bag to his brothers old Samsung Galaxy tab bag and cloths me, old clothes, can you imagine? And even that bag Bobby puts me in is not an original Samsung bag. Can you imagine? And am a whole apple, i don't form wrinkles like Samsung as i age, I am rear beautiful and scrath proof, you know apples? Tempting. Bobby does not
I knew what she was thinking, and I was thinking... Women! Why is dr.iPad such a woman, why is she so blank today, is it that she doesn't appreciate that I buy her airtime? Is it that she doesn't appreciate that most times I take her out for coffee? Even though she is allergic to coffee? Doesn't she see how jealous I get when anyone holds her, I tell her secrets, or is it cause I keep her a secret? You know women. Is it cause I have blogged about so many things but not her? Is that why she is so blank today?
So dr.iPad, this post is dedicated to you. When I want to understand myself you are here, you give me clarity, I appreciate you. I can face hot magma on mount Kenya if i am with you. This world is hugs and passion, work and exhaustion, play and kisses, friends and family, a prayer and a tear, bliss and perfume. But what is all without you? What is it if I can't talk myself out of my insanity with you? You are such a woman. Thanks you for what I am.
Do we lie to hot women? Are the contents of this blog real?
