Wednesday 23 November 2011

Virginity Is  Like a SoapBubble, one Prick and it is Gone!

Ladies and Gentlemen, today we are boys and girls. Come on, don't be scared, we are all getting into a time machine. Yes we are, and we are going to fit in all of us here. The twelve thousand of us who visit this blog, yes I said if, twelve thousand. It's going to be a crowded. We are going to be squeezed (I can see people smiling) And now we are going back in time...

High school.

I was on the Paper, after kcpe, having done so well, how the hell did that happen? It meant two things, one I wasn't going to do gcse, if I failed then I would have done gcse, I was kind of hoping for that actually. But guess what, I must have had a brain. The second thing it meant was that I was going to the school I applied for as my first choice. A boys school. What can I say, I was a kid, unless my kcpe came with a motorbike, or a surround system in my room I saw no use for it. But it felt nice being paraded in church, at meetings, and being shown off. The spot light, I knew it would be over soon. Did I tell you I had a brain. And when it was over I would have to go back to boarding school with boys only, for one, two, three, four. Four bloody years. I wasn't ready. No, I really wasn't. I wanted a private school, where you didn't have to go for marathons, where teachers treated you like eggs and there were girls. I rejected my first offer, it was the best decision I have ever made. Cause first of all, I couldn't live without girls, second of all I couldn't live without girls.

High school. Remember high school? Hugging was banned, you know teenagers. Kissing obviously was as good as going to the staffroom screaming during a teachers meeting. Climbing on the table, removing your pants and taking a dump right there in front of the principal and all else. But why the trouble of going to a mixed school. I had seen ahead, again didn't I tell you I had a brain. How do you expect kcpe happened and all I did was buy books, cover them and shelf them until they got dust. Who read anyways? I knew as much as they separated us, as much as no kissing was allowed, as much as no hugging was allowed, their is no way you can completely separate boy from touching girl.

I stood there outside the cafeteria with a buddy of mine. Let's just call him Buddy shall we. I stood there with Buddy and we smiled.
"Can you see how crowded this place is?"
"yeah"
And we smiled.
A whole school of boys and girls and a canteen with a counter of three meters. People touched, and were touched. The crowd hide everyone. I like girls, Buddy liked girls and that's why we were there. That's why the whole school was there. We loved the crowd. Screaming at the canteen lady.
"one loaf of bread, ground nuts and chocolate."
I was never in that crowd, cause I didn't like the congestion. But this one time she walked into the canteen, she usually sent someone to buy her stuff but not this time. It wasn't becoming of me to go squeeze with the masses but she was there. So...

I leaned on the counter, got a note out of my wallet. Stretched my hand waiting for the canteen lady to serve everyone else then me. I was ready to wait cause she leaned on me. As in she leaned on me!!! I was in high school. I had never had sex. She leaned on me, and feeling her on me, my whole system shut down. She had the softest everything.

I hadn't noticed the canteen lady had snatched my money. I was still in a daze. I liked her. She knew I liked her. We were a thing. So even if she grabbed my nuts in the crowd it wouldn't be a big deal. It would be love. But this was the first date. All she could do was lean on me, maybe the next day. She would take a step and grab my... And the day after maybe I could lean on her as she leaned on the canteen...
"Bobby? Bobby?"
I got back from space. Noise had died down. Other students were staring at us. She did not get off me. She stayed there. Smiled at me. Hit my head...
"She is talking to you come on... Order, we don't have all day!"
"oh, 50 fudge chocolates please."

And even I wondered why I had asked for all that.
"I thought I would say one loaf of bread and groundnuts."

We were in class the next day and Buddy wasn't shy about talking as the teacher taught.
"eh eh, how did the canteen go yesterday?"
And I smiled.

Time went by. And canteen didn't happen again, but I gave notes to Buddy, to pass to Her. The worst thing you would do in high school was declare you were in a relationship openly. You would be shamed on parade, your grades would be under the microscope, and you would be used as a bad example. I didn't want that, no one wanted that, so notes passed through at least two hands before they got to your girlfriend.

Did I tell you Buddy liked to talk while we were in class. I liked to day dream, which was quiet and teachers had less a problem with day dreamers than they had with noisemakers. He was a noise maker, and I got into trouble.

I was made to go to the board and solve the math problem. And you know what, I was a day dreamer. Math wasn't English. It didn't come naturally. I freaked out, I got stage fright and everyone pitied me.

"Bobby, Bobby... Here."
She handed me her paper openly. The math teacher would never hear of it, if it wasn't my girlfriend. What can I say, she was so good at math, she was the teachers pet. And her she was, offering me her book in front of the whole class, so that all I was required to do was copy what was in the book and write it in the board. You know what, the teacher let me. Did I tell you she was the teachers pet, the best in math, and I was the bad boy. Am sure he was shocked, he let it slide.

And I wished class would end soon. And right there, in my heart I felt love. Cause this was a place with rules, rules not written but known. She had saved me. I loved her.

Class ended. All I wanted was the teacher to get out and I would hug her. All I wanted to do was give her the fifty chocolates I used to buy for her all at once. And the teacher got out finally, as I headed to thank her, almost kiss her...Buddy, Buddy interjected.

"You know I saw your girlfriend yesterday at the pool and I was wondering whether I could have her."

"okay."

What the hell Bobby? Okay? Okay? I wanted to throw a fist...

"get out, get out off class, go for tea."
The teacher forced as out. We were late, so we were running. I couldn't reach him. Then we were at the dining hall, we sat on different tables, all I wanted to do was punch him, talk to him, take back my words, tell him I wasn't okay with him having my girlfriend, who ever is okay with that? Then we went for sports, I could reach him, then there was supper, different tables, then class, prep time, observe silence, dorm, lights out, that day apparently they thought it was best to call lights out before time, he must have been behind it, is that ridiculous?

They say the best decisions are made when you are sober, not emotional, emotion clouds judgement. Give it a week then think about it. It works.
I was in bed, and emotions had settled now that it was evening. Why do I say that? I wasn't thinking from what angle I would hit him, I wasn't lying in my bed thinking what nerve he had to come in between me and my girlfriend? Did I tell you time makes you see things differently, anger clouds judgment? I started thinking thinking differently... If he was bold enough to tell me he wanted her? Who takes such a risk unsure of the result? All my notes to her passed through him?
And there right their in bed anger turned into depression. I lie there awake, thinking? How could he? How could she? She had saved me? Why did she? Why did he? What had they done behind my back? Had they done anything? Was I dreaming? I wasn't, cause the lights went on...
"wake up, wake up... It was morning! Already?"

Life is a bitch. It brought the three of us together after high school. They had been dating for days. I watched the relationship grow. At first I had hoped suddenly she would change her mind, and pick me instead. And somehow as we were the three of us I tried to impress her. I was sure they hadn't had sex, almost as sure they hadn't kissed, so I still had a chance, she was awesome so I though I might just let her have me back when she realised she had made the wrong choice. I would give her a hard time having me back, but I would have her back in the end.

We were always for lunch at some private club in Nairobi, that time club memebership was a bitch and the thing about club membership reciprocation was complicated. I was a member at clubs out of Nairobi. He was a member in Nairobi, so lunch was always on him. I had to impress her. I had to. So what did I do, I become a bitch and called home, had them have to apply for memebership for a club in Nairobi, so that lunch would be on me, and she would be impressed. I knew I had a chance.

I knew she would change her mind! Everyday as we had lunch and talked the three of us on those very comfortable and elaborate sofas, I thought I had a chance. And one day, Buddy kissed her in front of me. Wasn't she noticing me? Wasn't she? How could she not? Maybe they are actually in love. Maybe she loves him better. But still there was a little hope, he hadn't slept with her? Had he? I don't think so. Besides he told me all that they did, and each time a part of me died. How could he not notice.

I became a girl, I shopped more. Looked more awesome, she had to notice me even if she was in his arms. I wasn't sure what I would do if she choose me finally! I wasn't... I didn't know what I would do, besides Buddy was my pal wasn't he. Those were hard thoughts.

And one day we sat around friends at some coffee house. And we talked, I talked the most. And the stories that came out of my mouth made me look intelligent, strong, manly, better in bed, and you know I know how to draft a story. Everyone laughed, she laughed and she looked impressed. And soon it was time to go home. They dropped me off, they left together.

The next day, as we sat over lunch at the club. Home called, and they told me they had gotten club membership for Nairobi. I was excited and I told home I would call later.
I sat at the table, I knew after the way we laughed, the stories yesterday she would be mine. I would let her, I wouldn't kiss her, I think, how could I she had kissed buddy. But we could have sex. I watched her as she did everything proper, arrange her folk and knife and also her boyfriends then she left to powder her nose.

"Yesterday man, she finally gave in, I broke her and she actually bled."

"oh yeah..."

I left the table and called home.

"Just cancel the Club membership thing..."

"What do you mean? Do you know how..."

Line went dead." Yesterday man, she finally gave in, I broke her and she actually bled."Those words rang in my mind. Again and again. Forever.


It hit me finally, I will never have her, no kiss, no sex, no caanteen, no nothing. But what I wanted now was to see regret in her face, to want me and I would reject her, that's what I wanted, to see her regret...

It was in Nakuru National Park, the entrance to the park is a straight long road, clear except for the occasional monkey. No bumps and it was down slope. Buddy was in his Big car, I was in my Big car.
Two cars with an emblem on the bonnet, we had just gotten our drivers license.

"let's race."

Yesterday man, she finally gave in, I broke her and she actually bled. Yesterday man, she finally gave in, I broke her and she actually bled. This time I would be the first. We were on the road, side my side. He was on the left I was on the right, we ate the road. Heck we could have been at 200kmh per hour. I was concentrating so much on wining, being the first I didn't look at the road, I looked at his car. We were at per, and that's when the roundabout showed up right there in the middle of the road.

I could turn, I was trapped. It had to be an accident. I braced myself. I prayed and waited for death.

A miracle happened, he steered out of the road onto the rocks. He almost hit trees am sure his car was ruined jumping off the road like that. He wouldn't have overturned cause big cars don't overturn, but he would have met a tree. He risked his life. He made way for me.

I missed the round about by an inch. If it wasn't for him, I would have run over the round about and the car could have flown into the reception. Or the receptions roof. Did I tell you we were around 200kmph?

The place was filled with dust afterwards. The Game Park Guard called us out. Quarreled as, the tourists stared at us, from the buses even kids.

"do you know you would have killed yourself right here?"

He was furious. Everyone was. I swear had the cars we were having been smaller we would be in jail. And you wonder why I love cars with emblems on the bonnet. They command respect, no let's say fear, you don't want to piss off the wrong people or their keen.

"you would have died right at this spot..."

"...you are very lucky he got off the road for you."
But I had seen death. And when someone sees death, they don't need a lecturer. I looked at him.

He saved my life. He risked his life for mine. So what could I do? Didn't I tell him 'Yes, he could have her' back in high school? Regardless. But how can I be cross at someone you owe your very life too?

And at that very moment, I decided if I will carry all these hurt all my life, it will be the last.
Sometimes it is good to be emotional. Had I went in front of the dinning hall like a crazy person, screamed at him, punched him in the face I would have protected myself from all this? Sometimes you just have to be angry and short tempered, fight the girl sleeping with your husband cause patience sometimes is long, cause up to now am still patient.