I love my phone. Cause my girlfriend is in it. Yes, she fits perfectly in it, she is the perfect size. Everything is in place with her. Even my heart is right where it is supposed to be, in her. I look at her eyes, and I die. I close my eyes and dream about her eyes and I die. Through her eyes I see love, and love is beautiful, I love her eyes, they reflect the moon and the stars better than the stars and moon reflect themselves on the ocean, the perfect mirror.
As in, I would, you would rather watch the reflection of the moon, the stars, the ocean in her eyes rather than watch the moon and ocean by themselves. And yes, I know how beautiful night at the beach can be... You know to, but nothing beats this with her wearing the dress I got her, happily holding my hand letting me look into her eyes which laugh too by the way. Nothing is as beautiful as she is.
I know love, love is Safaricom Customer Care, no, it's not, not like that. Love is trying to call Customer Care the whole night and falling asleep while the phone dials.
"welcome to Customer Care... Your conversations maybe recorded for quality purposes..."
"Ngrrrrrr" (don't worry that's not a word, that's me snoring)
Am not sure I snore, do you snore? Yes, am asking you, dames and Sirs both. Do you snore? No! No, let me tell you this... You don't know whether you snore or not. You have to record yourself. Which reminds me... "welcome to Safaricom Customer Care... Your conversations maybe recorded for quality purposes..."
I bet you right they picked the phone eventually.
"hello, this is Miss. Ngurumanjavu from Safaricom Customer Care, how may I help you..."
No, that can't be her real name... Can't you just let me imagine a girl called Miss Ngurumanjavu with a nice voice picked up my call... Why a hot lass Bobby? that's so typical. No, dames and sirs, Ngurumanjavu is not a typical name! Anyways, I hope she had me snore.
"hello, please I can't here you... There is noise in the back ground."
And am sure the phone lie on my cheek as I slept and snored. Probably she thought I was calling from a hardware shop, I hope I was snoring that loudly. Cause I think Safaricom deserves it.
"hello, I can't hear you... Are you snoring dear customer?"
Yes I was snoring...
"Customer, do you know this conversations are being recorded for quality purposes."
I would really love if my snoring voice was recorded in safaricoms data base. And you know what? Sirs and dames, none of your snores have been recorded in their data base except mine. I hope they even stored it in their safaricom cloud. Oh do I hate that advert...
Regardless I woke up, my phone was under the pillow somehow. Did I tell you my girl is in my phone. I bet you right I sleep with her. Sometimes in my dreams I think I dream talk her. No, I don't dream walk to Nairobi to say hi or steal food from her fridge. I am sane even in my dreams, I just pull my phone from under my pillow. I call her, most times I think it's like at 3am. And you know what... I tell her "I love her" I hope she records that for quality purposes...
Where was I sirs and damsels, they had recorded my snoring in their safaricom cloud and it was morning. I woke up feeling awful, why? Cause my blackberry services were dead. And that sucks the life out of me, it sucks all the oxygen in the room. What is my baby wanted to send me a video via my email? Yes, what happens? What bloody happens? What happens if it doesn't deliver. And probably it is a video that lasts for ten seconds, that I reply and reply until the clothes she is wearing on the video get worn out and fade... Till she is naked... What happens when she wants to tell me she loves me in a voice clip... And my bbs are dead? Just before I went back to call customer care, my phone rang. Customer care had called me... Were calling me...
No, they weren't calling me to complain that I slept on them, slept on a girl woth a hot voice called Ngurumanjavu, they were calling me cause apparently I called them the night before complaing about my phone. And do you know what, I didn't call. My girlfriend called.
So here you are, your phone has a problem, you in a different town, and your girlfriends since cares for you so much, probably tried to chat with you and found out that messages weren't going through. She called customer care without your notice, and didn't tell you about it in the morning when she called, sometime in the middle of the day, customer care call you and tell you they have fixed the problem your girlfriend reported on your behalf. Ask me what love is, I dare you, no really I dare you!
Love is sharing a plate of prawns at the beach, and not just that, love is noticing that when those eyes smile at the burst of beautiful flavors... "waiter bring another..." love is sleeping on her lap. Her white dress that totally is appropriate for the ocean. Love is sipping the first drink that comes into your hand, whether hers or yours cause everything that is mine is hers and everything that is hers is mine.
Love is walking through shops on the neatest lane in the city and letting her fit everything. Love is walking into the changing room with her and kissing her every time she puts on a new dress. Love is trying to con the shop manager into selling the dresses at half the price unsuccessfully or successfully. Love is touching your girlfriend so often you piss off every guy in the shop woth jealousy until they charge you a kilo of gold at the price of a tonne of gold. Love is paying whatever for whatever your baby likes... Did I tell you how beautiful the moon, the stars and the ocean is at night? Did I tell you that nice shops are dark like night with nice lighting? Did I tell you her eyes smile? Did I tell you whatever it takes to make her eyes smile, must, must, must be done... Cause the moon, stars are beautiful yes, but they are most beautiful when you see them reflect in her eyes. That's why am flying her out for her birthday.... Cause the moon, stars and the oceans are most beautiful reflected on her eyes. No, really imagine, a night flight she is seated by the window, yes, she has to be seated by the window, she looks down at the waters below, the stars are in full view, the moon is closer cause we are up ontop of the clouds, then imagine how her eyes would look.
Before, I meet her. At that petrol station in Hurlingam, before she asked me or I asked her for her BB pin. My heart still skips when I think about that day... In her black range rover, matching woth her black pants and her dark shades. Me in the grey car, with the star on the bonnet. Very young, the both of us. So young and woth eyes for each other so loud. Even the workers at the car wash and the petrol station wanted us to meet. And we met. And she came at a time when things were fucked up. My life was falling apart... And I had to be there for my family, I had to hold myself together, keep a smile cause everyone on my side was falling apart. But I couldn't fall apart, I had to be their pillar, and their hope. But what had happened had affected me the most, we had actually run away to this other town, and I was dying inside, I just wanted to cry, but I couldn't, cause if I did, everyone else would cry realizing that their was no hope. And when everything was falling apart in my life, and the life of those I loved... The hottest girl in the world, who even petrol station attendants thought was a perfect match for me shows up and tell me...
"be careful, don't stare too much, your eyes would drop..."
I had had sex the night before, from some random girl. My pals waited in the car as I went up to that random girls apartment. I couldn't have sex at home, no, I couldn't have sex back home. Cause I was paranoid, any gorl might have been behind what happened. The horrible thing that happened. So, it had to be in a different town, I was in a different town. I came, and walked out of the apartment back to the car where my boys were at. We drove off. And I did Mombasa Road a speed that made even men scream. But they still noticed I wasn't happy... Am sure they saw it, cause they kept on asking me where we should go club... And most of the time they drag me out of the house... It was obvious to see I was ruined.
And then "be careful, don't stare too much, your eyes would drop..."
Yes, she is the most beautiful girl in the world. Yes, I had had sex the night before, woth some random girl. But the morning I saw this girl at the petrol station, I came. That's when I came. I didn't want to sex her, yes, her boobs are perfect... But not just yet, I wanted to know her...
I wanted to know what she loves to drink? What she loved to have for breakfast... Where she lived... If her heart was taken... Or if it could be mine... I wanted to know what her hobbies were... I wanted to know all about her... Somehow I felt like everything will sort itself up. And I knew it would. And it did.
I wanted to thank the heavens, but I didn't just know how, cause we weren't married, and it is weird telling Heaven you want her to be your girlfriend. Dames and sirs, I am not married. But I would marry her if you asked me. Cause the stars and the moon and the ocean look the most beautiful when they are reflected in her eyes.
I wanted to know what she loves to drink? What she loved to have for breakfast... Where she lived... If her heart was taken... Or if it could be mine... I wanted to know what her hobbies were... I wanted to know all about her... Somehow I felt like everything will sort itself up. And I knew it would. And it did.
I know what wine she loves, she picked it up herself as I dragged the trolley down the wine section at the mall. It stayed in my fridge. We carried it to a party, which we went to together. And I let her smoke the cigar I was smoking. Yes, cigar, cause she is the boss, and am the boss. I know what she loves for breakfast, Out Of Africa, yes, those are tea bags. Try them... She sends them via courier every time mine run out... I don't mind a long distance relationship with her. She lives an hour away from Nairobi, and has to drive to Nairobi everyday, I feel for her. I wouldn't drive to school for an hour everyday, I guess I have my dads genes, so I need a driver. And since am not at that point in my life yes, I don't mind giving her the steering. Seating at the co-drivers seat and playing woth the radio. Watching the bangles on her wrist dangle as she turns the steering and changes the gear. She can look at the road, I can look at her eyes... Did I tell you that the moon and the stars and the ocean look more beautiful reflected from her eyes? When it is day, I drive, and when it's night and we are traveling I let her have the wheel. We are seeing the world with her, my tank was full in the morning, and it is now 1 in the morning... We haven't yet arrived at our destination. She would rather buy sunglasses, but she fueled my car at one in the morning... No, we don't visit places woth Visa, that's not a place where love is...
I remember a girl I went for a date with once, I ordered a drink for her and one for me. When the two drinks came... She asked one to be returned. "I will just have one." and I was thinking what the hell? That's my drink you are asking the waiter to take back! And I was thinking how selfish are you... The waiter thought the same. It was the first and last date. Then their was my ex. Oh her. I got robbed on my birthday, and I needed a cab, I had a morning flight. No, she didn't pay for my cab. She'd rather buy a hand bag, cause that's what she was about... It's very frustrating when you are loved for the wrong reasons.
I finally got to know everything my baby likes... And sometimes I ask myself what the fuck I was doing chasing after all those skirts. When the girl that I was meant to be with is here. Who I share everything in common with, we share love, we share our lives, she shares her opinions, I share my dreams, and she understand, she shares our journals, I share my fears, she listens, and right about now, am going to call her and read her this piece. And she will tell me she loves it and I should post it up.
I will be twice the man I am in twice less a time, she will be twice the lass she is, in twice less a time cause I have her and she has me. So, no, I don't secretly stare at you stupid girl and wish you are mine... I wished that one day. But now I look at you and I feel disgust. Her eyes are prettier, she doesn't have to sleep so that they look nicer, or do anything to them. They are natural like the stars, moon and the ocean, and the stars, moon and the ocean reflects on them so that they are more beautiful than everything you have seen. No, am for real, just look at her eyes... And tell me how I can secretly be staring at a girl I wish I had? And not staring at the girl who has the moon, the stars and the ocean in her eyes. Even more than that cares for me so much she sends me Out of Africa so that I take less coffee? The girl that calls Customer Care and solves my problem as I sleep. So that I wake up and find that all my problems are fixed.
Do you think you can think like that? No. I though so, please... It's a little pathetic that you think I secretly look at you and wish you are mine! I am property of my girl friend. The one with the eyes.
And...
I love her.
And we fcuk.
If I fcuk you I would be thinking about her as I fcuked you. And I would not cum cause you aren't her. But let's me real, I wouldn't fcuk you even in my mind, cause you are not her.
I love you baby!
