I want someone I shouldn't,
I feel I can force myself,
To stop to feel,
Forget all about her,
At least that's what I believe,
There is always the possibility,
That I can't stop to feel her,
That it is out of my control,
Like rain and sunshine are,
It can only be a sexual thing,
But also a little more,
If anything were to happen.
It is very very wrong to have her,
It's not right at all,
If we are ever caught,
It will be one very big mess,
Bigger than peeing on yourself,
Publicly at your age right now,
It would be one very big mess,
Like the filled rubber you used,
Splashed on the floor,
Can I really stop?
Thinking about her,
Playing dress up,
Like a little girl,
To wear just the right shirt?
On the day I see her,
I think I let myself fall,
For her, I think I did,
When I let myself think of her,
Just a little bit,
Let myself feel,
My heart rising beat when she is close,
Let myself start to entertain thoughts,
Of us meeting in private,
I think I let myself fall,
When I let myself start to think,
I like to believe I can stop,
Like you would like to believe you can stop,
Engaging in that nasty habit you do,
Did I really let myself feel?
If I didn't let myself feel?
If I did not entertain those thoughts?
Would I have prevented this fantasies,
So grown now they are so detailed,
I see her lipstick on my shirt,
I ask her to leave intentionally,
I see her pieces of indecent clothing,
With her bodily scent she leaves on them,
Imagine her naked underneath,
Me with her indecent clothing in my pocket,
I know we cannot be,
We shouldn't even be,
But am thinking about her bra,
And her boobs,
I know I can stop,
Or is it that I like to believe I can stop?
As false hope am in control,
Of the things I feel,
Whereas I cannot stop?
But I don't want to stop,
Not even a bit,
I know nothing can come of it,
Heck I don't even know if she notices,
That I don't look at her like I used to,
I look at her with more dreamy eyes,
Those eyes that are as soft as cream,
That unbutton her slowly,
Slowly,
With trembling hands,
Trembling,
in excitement,
and desire,
I imagine sending emails,
I imagine exchanging jewelry,
Privately that is,
For we can't be more than,
People who enjoy each other,
An affair that breeds nothing,
Not quite an affair though,
That word already makes me feel dead guilty,
Something sexual mostly,
But gifts are exchanged,
Feelings are felt in unison,
But not so much that it's too much,
A togetherness of sort,
Her company,
Short timed,
On a clock stop,
Limited,
I wish we could exchange jewelry,
I would buy her a watch more pricey than mine,
Am sure she would reciprocate too,
Pricer than all cars at a packing lot,
All in a jewel so small,
That's why a diamond is,
The ultimate symbol of passion,
To blow an year's salary on a rock so small,
Yet so beautiful,
Such craziness is prove that,
Nothing is as precious as the moments we share,
Besides we are a secret,
We would be a secret I mean,
If she should give me a piece,
It should be so small,
Almost un seeable,
That I will have with me everyday,
That she would have on her everyday,
It's the only way I can spoil her,
So it should be a diamond,
I guess I will not be buying a washing machine,
I guess I wont pay my television subscription,
Exchanging small gifts,
Ornaments and sculptures,
It would be our thing,
Privately we would,
And when we are finally on a bed,
It can't be hers cause of the risk,
It can't be mine we might be seen,
Unless...
But we would find a way I know,
And it would be beautiful,
I would give it to her the best way ever,
Not the best way I know,
The best way known,
I shouldn't entertain such thoughts,
But I feel good when I do,
It's very different,
It makes my blood rush,
It makes me a complete rash,
Does she notice?
Will she notice?
That I wear that shirt for her,
Did she dress like that for me?
Did she steal glances of me?
Did she notice I wanted to be caught,
For that micro second,
With my eyes set first on her boobs,
Am not going to try too hard,
Am going to try just a bit,
Am not going to make the first move,
Am not going to be the rotten apple,
Am going to be the red apple,
The temptation,
If she falls,
Then I will not fight,
I will fall on her too,
I will fall in her too,
In the most pleasurable way,
If she does not fall,
Then I will play the game,
The one I am not sure whether it's all in my mind,
Am I playing it alone?
Or whether she is playing it too,
Playing this thrilling game,
Of trying to be the red apple,
Trying to seduce the other,
If she does not fall,
It will all be good too,
For we wouldn't have done wrong,
We should not do wrong,
And she is bad for me,
And I bad for her,
We would ruin a lot,
If we were ever caught,
Word always outs you know,
Am not ready to face the consequences,
Although she would face them more than I would,
Or I might face them more than she does,
Can I really resist her?
Will I resist falling on her,
If the opportunity cums?
Yes I know what I said,
If the opportunity cums,
It has to have the same feelings of an orgasm,
So, will I resist falling in her?
If the opportunity cums?
I wouldn't dare write this,
But am writing it?
Aren't I?
Very proudly I am,
Just like I have already fallen a bit,
By letting me write this,
I might fall even more,
By not being able to,
Not fall on her,
Maybe she too is playing the game,
Of temptation,
Being a red apple,
Making herself as appealing as possible,
Waiting for me to be the bad person,
And approach her in a desiring manner,
I would love to believe that,
It flirters me a lot,
Besides,
When you look at someone in that manner,
Its always beautiful to know that,
She looks at you in the same manner,
When I breath hard when she walks by,
I would like to believe I also cause,
An effect on her even the slightest,
But I hope it is so great,
That she can't stop herself in the morning,
When she looks herself in the mirror,
And decide what shoes to wear,
As to whether I will like them or not,
I hope she is trying to be an apple for me,
I hope she will make the first move,
Then again I hope she doesn't,
It's like am just letting decisions make themselves,
Perhaps she is too,
Just being an apple,
Being as desirable as ever,
Hoping things escalate,
Yet hoping they do not,
Choosing to be dormant,
Just to melt at each other,
But being dormant,
Whatever happens happens,
I hope this is long enough,
That no one reads it,
Cause we are so wrong,
We are so wrong,
But...
